If found in gutter please return too...

Assholism

2012-02-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated with this asshole society that we live in. I’m not sure if it is actually becoming more prevalent or if age is just making me more aware of it. Maybe I have just been lucky in that I have spent the majority of my adulthood surrounded by amazing wonderful people. I would see douchebags and bros out and about but they never actually entered into my reality. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and I have always been known for having attitudes. We have been called, bitches, scumbags, pricks, etc. The thing though, is that we don’t give a shit about anyone else. We happily stay in our little world enjoying life. This nasty side of ours doesn’t come out unless provoked. We try our hardest to avoid conflict. With that said, it’s not good to provoke us. We don’t start shit, but we don’t lose fights either. Hence the names we’ve been called.

What I don’t get though, is this new trend of being assholes just for the sake of being assholes. I have no clue as to where all of this is coming from, but it’s rampant and I do not like it. From Jersey Shore hero’s to middle school kids uploading youtube videos of their bullying, it has infiltrated our society. I see it in my day to day life and I just don’t know how to handle it.

I spent all of my youth being bullied. I was an easy target. Those kids kicked my ass, sometimes even literally. When I got older I swore I’d never let anyone make me a victim again. I learned to stand up for myself and I back down for nothing. For years it wasn’t even an issue. But suddenly here it is again, me vs. the bullies. Sometimes in my defense, sometimes in other’s defense. I have a very low tolerance for jerks. I am having trouble finding a decent way to deal with it all though.

I do understand the many psychological reasons as to why people fall into such mean patterns. This understanding is the reason that I am so torn on this topic and how to handle it. Let’s face it, getting in someone’s face (even in self-defense) just riles them up more. However reacting in kindness to show them another option just makes them think they can walk all over you. Whichever way it is best handled, the point is I’m sick and tired of people being mean just for the sake of being mean. Not only am I tired of it, but I am disturbed by the fact that the mass majority of people seem to be falling into these patterns of assholism. No longer does this disease affect a minute few.

If you want to be a bitch, fine, be a bitch, but be able to back it up and have a reason for it. If you just have low self-esteem get to the fucking gym, learn to love yourself, learn that people will love you a lot more if you treat them with some damn respect. Before you know it you just may earn some respect in return!

Channeling Emily Post

2012-02-11T00:56:00.000-08:00

Without a doubt, living in a small town has its drawbacks. Forget trying to buy clothes, shoes, or accessories anywhere, you just can’t find them here. That is, at least not if you have even the slightest inclination towards fashion. Cell phone service is an extremely rare commodity. I don’t think my cell has ever had full bars anywhere in town. In fact we only have one cell phone provider in town, Verizon. Even with Verizon however, the majority of people still cannot get service at their homes. Home phones are almost a necessity here. Radio stations? HA! We have three. They make want to kick puppies. I can’t even get myself started on the lack of culture here for that rant will never end. Well let me rephrase that, the lack of civilized culture.

However, with all of this said, there are definitely some perks to living in a small town. People here look out for each other. They help each other out. They take care of each other. They fucking HATE outsiders. Locals have each other’s backs though. I have been in town one year and seven months now. I will never fit in. I will never be a TRUE local. People are starting to accept the fact that I live here though.

Earlier this week I switched to a local bank. I took my parent’s recommendation and headed over to Washington Federal. I had been in there once before this past summer with my mother. I was in there about five minutes when the Assistant Vice President/Branch Manager recognized me from the summer and came over to say hello. I am well aware that I leave a lasting impression. It is hard to forget me. However in what world would the Asst. VP of a bank remember someone from a 10 min meeting almost a year ago, unless of course they tried to rob the bank, which I did not do. My mother was with me. I behaved for once. I was absolutely shocked and blown away by her kindness and the fact that she remembered me. Only in this little redneck town would such a thing happen.

I left the bank with a gigantic smile on my face, a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and a coffee mug filled with chocolate and coffee. They remembered me. They gave me chocolate and COFFEE. I was in LOVE! There was no way a bank could get any better. Then the next day I opened my mail and found this:

That my dear friends is a HANDWRITTEN thank you note. Not only handwritten but signed by every employee at the branch. Handwritten. Hand fucking written. One of my twitter friends put it best when he replied, “A handwritten note? So, tell us….will you be voting for Eisenhower or Stevenson this November?” These are the times when it is impossible to not love this town. Customer service is dead in the real world. It does not exist. Or so I thought, but that is not the case this crazy little podunk hell. Not only is customer service still alive and thriving, it’s based upon the etiquette of 1956 bitch!

Still alive. Barely.

2012-02-08T00:59:00.000-08:00

I haven’t been over here in awhile. My life has changed drastically in the last year. During this entire time I have pretty much been in hiding. I have had an intense fear of people. I have had a fear of being in the spotlight in any way shape or form. I have had a deep fear of other people knowing anything personal about me. The basis of these fears was that all of these things lead to judgment and gossip and negativity.

Adapting to small town life has not been easy. In many ways it has been similar to being thrown back into high school. Love someone or hate someone, everyone still wants to know what’s going on in their life. If they don’t know what is happening, they will speculate and talk until they make something happen. In the city if I wanted to drop off the face of the earth for a bit, I would just up and do so. When people realized that I had been MIA for awhile they’d just give me a call and ask what was up. As opposed to here where they make up these fabulous stories as to why I have been out of sight. While I commend this small town and it’s immensely creative imaginations, I also deep miss the maturity of city life. However I have accepted that such maturity does not exist here.

I have also accepted that hiding out is not healthy, at least not without an outlet. For months upon month my thoughts have been purely contained within my mind. I have not written them down. I have not spoken them to anyone. I do not like the effect it has had on me. More importantly I have accepted that everyone in town already knows my business whether I like it or not. So I might as well get a proper say in the matter of my own personal gossip. Throw it back out into the universe. Therapy. So here I am again, back to the world of the blog.

11. A song recorded in the 1970s.

2011-06-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Amen.

Day 10: A song that gets you hyped up/ a song you listen to while working out

2011-06-05T22:23:00.001-07:00

I've been stuck on this one. These days working out just does not happen. I don't have the time, energy, or motivation. Then you top it with some self-esteem issues and I'm just not feeling it. So I really DO NOT have song for this one. I just don't. And it's a subject that I rather want to avoid. SO I'm going to toss in some cheese factor just to get over this roadblock and on with this meme...

On a side note I forgot just how damn funny this video was!

Day 9: A song that you and a parent can (could) agree on while stuck in a traffic jam.

2011-05-26T00:04:00.001-07:00

My mother's taste is ALL OVER the place. She raised me on MTV. She basically loves every genre that ever existed. With that said she's extremely finicky. She's either in the mood for something or she's not. Which means even though I may be listening to a band that she LOVES she may yell at me to turn it off. This song however is the one exception. No matter her mood, time of day, environment etc. whenever she hears the intro to this song she excitedly exclaims "turn it up I LOVE this song!" and I happily oblige.

The only other song she says the same thing to is this one....

The funny thing about this? While I have owned the entire Guns N' Roses collection since about first grade, my mother has never owned so much as a single Guns N' Roses tape. However somehow my mother and I were recently talking about my imaginary never going to happen wedding. She told me to elope and run away to vegas so I could wear a leopard print dress and it would cost her nothing and she wouldn't have to attend. I told her I already had my wedding planned. I will be wearing the dress from November Rain and it will take place in the Rainbow. Her reply? A GNR wedding is every 80's mother's dream, I will do whatever it takes to assure that Axl officiates. I love my mother.

The only song my father wouldn't yell at me to change?

No one is really sure just exactly how my parents not only wound up together....but remain together.

Day 8: A song recorded in the 1960s

2011-05-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

I love love LOVE Elvis. I've done the whole Graceland bit and everything.

Umm, kick ass song. Though it's been covered a million times the original will always be my favorite. Kick ass woman. Enough said.

7. A blues OR jazz song.

2011-05-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

Playing catch up. And fuck it I'm doing a blues AND a jazz song. I love this stuff my mother played it all the time as I was growing up.

First a blues song. The intro in the video pretty much sums it up. This song is so good, I can't listen to it enough. One of my favorite musicians of all times. Oh the things that man did with his guitar and the people that he influenced.

Now for a jazz song. This man is the reason I decided to start playing the saxophone back when I was a wee little 5th grader. I remember our band teacher asking us why we chose the instruments we did and I was "because I love Charlie Parker". He looked at me like I was batshit insane. (And I wonder why I had no friends lol)

Day 6: A song featuring a female vocalist

2011-05-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Tumultuous week at work hence the absence. This is a tough one. I love female vocalists. As my sister recently told me she's never met a girl so into guys with so much chick rock in her music library. (My sister goes to Wellesley she's allowed to judge these things lol) I'm all about strong confident risk taking women playing the game in the boys world and kicking their asses at it. Which that said, in my view The Kills' Alison Mosshart is the next legendary in your face industry changing woman in music. She's achieved so much and is respected by so many. Her talent is insane, from her voice to her poetry. Live she's like no other. It's breathtaking beautiful and at the same time darkly disturbing watching her on stage. Mesmerizing. A poetic talent. She's beloved by many already, but she's only begun to make her mark on the industry. If I wasn't 27 I'd be saying "I want to be her when I grow up."

Another love of mine? Lucinda Williams. This woman is balls to the walls. She's been doing her things for years and she just keeps getting better at it! I've seen her live god knows how many times and it's always one of the most uplifting therapeutic experiences ever. Though this song may not even come close to showcasing her talent to it's full extent, I remember the tour when she first started playing it. I remember the first time I heard it. It was so in your face, truthful, simple and relatable in that every woman has been dying to say these words to at least one man at some point in their lives.

Day 5: A song that transports you to another time and place. Explain.

2011-05-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Now Ted Leo is one of my absolute favorites. He's this awesome amazing pure and simple east coast poetic social justice vegan voice of beauty. I LOVE Ted Leo. Back in 2005 every band ever was backstage doing an acoustic cover of this Kelly Clarkson song. It was fun. It was quirky. It was a moment in time. The summer of 2005 while backstage I feel deeply and madly in love for the first and (to date) the last time. I can't hear Since You've Been Gone without thinking of all those numerous hardcore boys of summer '05 with their acoustic guitars thinking they were cute and funny covering a Kelly Clarkson song. I can't think of that summer without thinking of that one boy in particular. So when you give a poetic genius a pop song to cover acoustically and you have him toss the song Maps into the middle of it, it's pretty much a given I'll wind up in tears. Much like I did the first time I heard this song oh so many years later. Right now I really don't know where my life is heading. I know good things are to come. However I'm pretty sure whatever comes my way, it will never top that year. So I do believe I'll pour myself another glass of wine turn up my speakers and vow never to forget what once was.

Day 4: WILD CARD (whatever you want, but please explain).

2011-05-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

No huge fancy explanation here. This song has just been stuck in my head for days. It's so damn catchy. Makes me miss nights on the town dancing my ass off with good friends. This town provides 2 dance hall choices. Sadly I'm not into two-steppin' and salsa grows old after awhile. I keep thinking I want to throw a dance party, play some decent tunes and have a blast. Then I quickly realize that I would be the only attendee. So to get it out of my system once every couple weeks I throw together a playlist get faced by myself and dance my little black heart out. This song is always a must on said playlist.

Day 3: A song from a musical/opera/film/TVshow.

2011-05-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Obviously I'm days behind on this. Live has been so absurdly busy and insane and stressful as of late. Which is probably why I chose this song. I really need a wig in a box quite like no other. Just a way to disappear and start anew.

Day 2: A song recorded in the 1950s

2011-05-06T00:57:00.000-07:00

Though this video was much later, these two originally recorded this song in the 50's.

I was raised on Sinatra. My Grandmother was first generation Italian-American. I spent the majority of my youth at her house, listening to records and playing her old sheet music on the piano. This was always one of my favorite songs, as a kid the upbeat tempo was just so much fun. As a single 20 something, it's pretty much my anthem. Especially now that I'm living here in this weird little small town with 1950's americana moral values. I'm single late 20's never married no kids love to have a good time. I have yet to meet a single person in this town that also falls into this category. There is not a single line in this song that I don't relate with. There is not a single line in this song that isn't my life. And damn if Ella Fitzgerald doesn't belt it out!

Day 1: 1. A song to which you MUST sing along, regardless of the time or place.

2011-05-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

I do find it really funny that the day I post this is also the day in which the poor man gets arrested for a DUI.

This song goes back to high school. I went to school in this tiny little town with a population of 30,000 I think? Big enough to have both a Target AND a Walmart but not big enough to provide anything that would even remotely keep a teenager entertained. Our main radio station was one of those awesome "best of the 70's, 80', and today!" Yes I am aware I just dated myself. That station played this song ALL THE TIME. Being that my best friend and I had nothing to do except drive around town and listen to music we heard this song ALL THE TIME. For some strange reason we decided it was the best song ever and every time it came on we rolled down the car windows, turned the volume up as loud as it would go and belted this song out at the top of our lungs. Ten years later I recently got back in touch with my best friend from high school. Turns out we're living in the same state just a little over an hour away from each other. Unknowingly we even both moved to this state the same exact week. We've hung out a little bit since we got back in touch. Caught up on the time that's passed and all the drama that goes along with the passing of time. We really don't have all that much in common anymore. Except of course for the fact that every time we hear this song we can't help but roll down our windows, turn up the volume and belt it out. Much to the dismay of those stuck at traffic lights with us.

It's been a long time.

2011-05-01T16:43:00.001-07:00

Part of it was due to lack of internet living at the folks house. Part of it was due to depression. Part of it was due to small town living and not wanting anyone to know who I am. I unlinked my flickr feed. It was a dead giveaway. I figure at this point if anyone wants to figure out who I am then they deserve to hear the shit I may possible talk about them. I need an outlet though. And I need to start "writing" again. It's been a crazy 9 months. I stopped writing in this blog when I started fucking my boss. He was my escape for a bit. We have since ended things but we still get along. I moved out of the parents house, I now live in town even though I spend every waking moment wondering why the fuck I live here. I've made more enemies than friends in this town, what a damn surprise. Honestly I tried to make no friends, but in a town of 5,000 a new face does not go unrecognized and if you don't kiss ass you make enemies. Whatever. I'm used to that. I spent the last 9 months trying to "fit in". I'm over that. I am who I am, no one is going to change that and I feel like I can breathe again being able to accept that. Since it's kinda hard to jump back into the blogging world I'm going to take the cowards way out and copy the lovely Miss Stephanie and do a music meme.

Vino, vino, where are you?

2010-07-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

My car is up and running again. THANK. GOD. Actually thanks to my brother. It would still be stuck on a hill if it wasn't for that kid.

With my car up and running obviously a celebration was in order and what better way to celebrate than with a bottle of wine. Buying alcohol in general is difficult in this town with a population of 1,036. Buying wine however is near impossible. First of all there is only one store in the entire town that sells alcohol. The nearest liquor store outside of town is 30 miles away, so Allsups, which is actually a gas station that reeks of old fried food and refuses to employ anyone that still has all their front teeth, is your one stop shop for all things alcohol related. They have a HUGE beer section, and a passable hard liquor section. Until this trip I'd never seen the wine selection but had heard it was decent. Yeah. Sure. Decent my ass. Decent as in any self respecting hobo would turn their dirty nose up at it.

This town I'm living in only carries FOUR DIFFERENT WINES.

-Sutter Home White Zin
-Sutter Home Sweet Red
-Yellow Tail Chardonnay
-Boone's Farm Sangria

That's it. If I want wine, this is all I have to choose from. Obviously I chose the chardonnay and I paid 10 dollars too many for it. But man did it hurt my soul to do so. There were times in my life when all I could dream of was a bottle of 2 buck chuck. At this point in my life I'd give anything just to get my wino hands on a box of Fetzer. This isn't just a new low folks, it's a low of a low. It's a low that I'm not sure I can survive.

The one where I lose my car...

2010-07-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

And not in the "OMG last night was so much fun, where the hell did I leave my car?" way. Nor in the "we're sorry Miss but your license is now suspended way". This is more in the "changing oil is disturbingly important folks" way.

This whole saga started yesterday. I was running late for work, hopped in my car, turned the key, looked in my rear view mirror and saw my father running full force towards my car screaming "Jen! Wait! Turn your car off NOW!" Annoyed as I was I did as he said, for even though I'm 26 I still know that disobeying my father is not a road I want to go down. He started babbling about some sound my car was making. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. He asked me when the last time I checked my oil was. I told him I didn't know how to lift the hood. He muttered some word of an obscene nature and showed me how to not only lift the hood, but also how to check the oil.

Turns out I had absolutely no oil what so ever in my car. Apparently this is a very bad thing. So after an obscenity laced lecture about the responsibilities of being a car owner he filled my car up with oil. Immediately after doing so he looked at the manual and said "opps, looks like I put 2 quarts too many in there. Oh well you're burning oil so it'll be fine".

Fine? Not so much. Fast forward to today. I'm driving up the mountain on my way to work when smoke started pouring out of the hood, my check engine light started blinking rapidly, and pushing the gas pedal proved to be ineffective. Being the smart little cookie that I am I pulled over to side of the road and parked that bitch. It wasn't until I got out of the car that I realized I was parked next to a no trespassing sign stating "if you can read this, then you're in range". Have I mention that I LOVE New Mexico? So I started the fun task making phone calls, and eventually with much annoyance on her part my sister agreed to pick me up.

I sat on the road for an hour. Only 1 out of 4 cops that passed me by actually stopped to see if I was ok. Based upon his laughter I do believe I made his day when I told him that I had only learned to open the hood yesterday. An adorable boy from Texas also stopped to see if I needed any help. Sadly he knew nothing about cars but was willing to call someone or give me a ride anywhere I may need. Given his hotness (and the fact that he is officially the ONLY attractive guy I've seen in these parts) I was going to suggest some alternative rides he might be able to offer me, but then remembered that my sister was on her way. And based upon experience, ditching my sister for attractive men, NOT a good idea.

So sister finally showed up to help me out. I coasted all the way down the mountain with her following and was able to safely get my car back home. Once home I did some internet research and found that not only were all of my car issues were due to the excess oil in my engine, but if I didn't fix it asap I could blow a gasket. I'm not really sure what gaskets are but I've heard that their blowing is bad. (Though I think Mel Gibson would have to be the official judge of that one) Father makes it home, I explain the situation to him, he tells me to run to the store and get more oil, he'll drain it and then add new oil. These errands are run, my father heads out to the car to start changing the oil. About 15 minutes later he comes in yelling and screaming at me for screwing up my car by letting it run out of oil (in my defense who even KNEW cars could run out of oil?!) since he kept trying to drain it but barely any oil came out. But when he checked the oil it was still saying it was well over full. Obviously I royally screwed up my car! At this point sick of ranting my father once again headed outside and backed the car up onto a hill to see if he could get the rest of the oil out. Again only a little bit drained from the engine. Again he came in to lecture. Again he went outside to see what the hell was going on. Another ten minutes passed and he started to make his way back in with the final diagnosis.

HE HAD DRAINED THE TRANSMISSION FLUID INSTEAD OF THE OIL!!!!

This would be highly amusing if not for the fact that my cars transmission fluid can only be bought at a dealership and since we live in the middle of fucking nowhere the nearest dealer is three hours away. After realizing said mistake he successfully changed the oil. However my car is now permanently parked (after all he was determined to drain the fluid completely) on a hill until I can make my way down to the dealership to get new transmission fluid. So until further notice my mother will be driving me around. YAY!

Farmville: The True Life Story

2010-07-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

So here I am typing this in New Mexico. You know, the place I was headed to 3 months ago. The place I was only supposed to stay one month. As you can see, much like everything else in my life, this "plan" took a turn for the worst. One week before I left town I was thrown an enormous SURPRISE (like YAY SURPRISE PARTY) bill, that has to be paid off before I can transfer anything over anywhere. So if the bill's not paid, I don't have a license ever.

So here I am sitting on my parents "ranch" living the small town country life. No, it's not going over well. The challenges I face these days are unlike anything I have EVER experienced. For instance, the other day the town was out of Diet Pepsi. Literally, the entire town. I checked all of the TWO gas stations that we have. (Luckily they're across the street from each other so I didn't have to travel too far) Or what about my inability to make it into the driveway without being assaulted by our pet sheep. Or the fact that I can't find tofu withing a 50 mile radius. Life on the farm is HARD folks, way more so than those fun country songs make it out to seem.

It's not all negative, I do have a really good job as a waitress/bartender in a country club that's going quite well. Thanks to it I've managed to pay off a third of my bill. Which means I will be making it to L.A. eventually, it's just going to be a much longer "vacation" than I had previously planned.

The Many Amusements of Facebook

2010-04-22T17:35:00.000-07:00

So apparently Facebook now suggests specific pages that it can link your profile to. These were the pages it suggested to me:

-Toni And Guy Hairdressing Academy

-Buena High School

-Providence, RI

-Can't Afford Those Either

-I Can't Afford TV

-Shit That Doesn't Suck

-Dostoevsky

-Being Unemployed

-Attending Booty Skool

-Drinking Wine

-Being Antisocial

-Varied And Ever Changing

Yep, that pretty much sums up my life. I don't know whether to rejoice or worry about the fact that there are actually enough people out there with similar lives to cause these pages to exists.

A quarter life crisis at it's finest!

2010-04-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

My apartment is strewn with moving boxes, piles of random shit, all the contents of my life are haphazardly placed throughout my living room. The majority of these contents have found their way into the donate pile.

May 27th at around 4am everything I choose to keep will be piled into my teensy tiny little Hyundai Accent "Ziggy" and along with the 2 cats we'll be hitting the road, westward bound! First my father was going to come out with his SUV to help me move all my crap, then I was going to ship my crap, but at this point I've decided that I hate all my crap. Other than shoes, clothes, some family heirlooms, a pillow and a blanket, it's all being given away. I was joking that I was giving away all of my worldly belongings to go "find myself" in a quarter life crisis move, but when I took a look at my donate pile, I realized it wasn't a joke. I'm literally doing just that.

In five weeks I hit the road. 2 fifteen hour days until I reach New Mexico, where I will be staying with my parents for a month. (Yeah that should be interesting!) I plan on regrouping myself a bit, destressing from this last year that has been HELL, and catching up on a tan that I'm 3 years behind on. After the month has passed I'm leaving everything in storage at my parents except for one piece of carry on luggage, all of my hair tools, my pillow/blanket, and the cats, and we're headed to Los Angeles. As of right now, I have no where to live there, no money, and no job waiting. The only thing I have planned/set in stone out there are more classes that I need to take in order to get my cosmetology license in California.

It'll be an adventure. And I can't fucking wait!

Flood

2010-04-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure how much of this has actually been covered on the national news because no one I know out of state seems aware of the situation, but Rhode Island has had a rough week. We broke a 200 year flood record. Interstate 95 was shut down for days. Cars have been completely submerged in water. Hundreds evacuated. Bridges, roads, washed out. It's bad down here folks. I'm lucky I'm on a hill so my apartment wasn't affected. Although honestly, I kind of wish I was that way I wouldn't have to worry about the fact rent is due today and I have no money to give my landlord. Any jobs I may have been able to find are literally washed away. The picture shown here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36085345/ns/weather/ That's the mall where I used to work. So even if I had a job I wouldn't be working. That mall is right next to my school as well. School has been cancelled all week, honestly at this point I don't even know if I have a school to go back to. To put is simply, this sucks. Rhode Island already has a 13% unemployment rate, and that's just the folks that are eligible for unemployment, unlike me. The economy here is horrific. There couldn't be a worse time for this to hit the state. I honestly don't know how they're going to overcome this. My heart goes out to all the people I know who had to evacuate their homes. So many people I know were already struggling, I haven't any idea as to how they're going to bounce back after this.

Mental Preparation

2010-03-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

As I’m getting ready to leave for Los Angeles in 8 weeks I’ve been trying to put together my “things to do” list. There is so much that I have to do in order to prepare myself for this move. There’s been a lot of worrying about money, what to get rid of, and superficial topics such as weight, wardrobe, etc. I’m quickly realizing though that the number one thing I have to do before I leave is learn to socialize again. I have completely lost my ability to carry on a conversation with someone. Providence has pretty much killed any and all self-esteem I once had which makes me completely and totally uncomfortable around people. When put in an uncomfortable situation I stutter and stammer and lose my words. Which happens quite often these days since I spend all day at school having 18 year olds talk shit about me and tell me how fat and ugly I am. I’m mature enough to know that their doing so is only a reflection of their own insecurities, however at the same time, this is my reality day in and day out and eventually it gets to you. It’s the whole brainwashing technique thing. So needless to say none of those girls want to hang out with me after school. Which leaves me with absolutely no friends or social life outside of school. So everyday I come home, feed the cats, hang out on twitter and watch some dvd’s, maybe read a book. That’s it. It recently dawned on me that I’ve gone over a week without having an actual real conversation with someone. And it scares me when I get too lost in my head. Sure it’s an easy place to retreat to, and sometimes down time is required, but after 9 months of it, it’s just not healthy. In fact it goes beyond not healthy it becomes downright scary. So I need to learn to be comfortable in the presence of other people again. I need to learn how to carry on a conversation. I need to gain some self-confidence again. Basically, I need to learn to be me again because this last year has wiped away any proof that the real me ever existed.

Making Progress....

2010-03-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been spent playing the OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE GAME?! that almost all soon to be graduates play. I've toyed with MANY different ideas and been offered a multitude of opportunities. One key factor ended up finalizing my decision for me. My health. As has been mentioned before I'm falling apart. I have more autoimmune digestive disorders than any one person should even be able to fathom much less suffer from. They're all tied to arthritis as well. And this past year I've developed severe joint issues. When it rains I can become downright crippled. Given the weather in New England this hasn't gone over too well. So I'm moving back to California! Los Angeles to be specific.

However California requires a cosmetologist to accrue more hours than Rhode Island. In fact it's the only state in the country that requires more hours! So like a good majority of students, now that I'm about to graduate, I've decided to go BACK TO SCHOOL! That's right folks, I now consider myself a Professional Cosmetology Student. I'm going to make up business cards that list my title as Professional Cosmetology Student/Screw Up Extraordinaire. My parents are so proud.

The best part of it all though? I have to go over as a transfer student. Which due to my VERY complicated school & living situations, (I'm getting kicked out of my apartment) to save time and money, I have to drop out of school for about a month, 1 month shy of getting my certificate. That's right folks, cue the chorus.....BEAUTY SCHOOL DROPOUT!!!

I'm still alive. I guess. Barely.

2010-03-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve been neglecting this blog to no end. Partially because I was without internet for quite some time. Partially because I have nothing going on in my life what so ever. I got school, I work out, I job hunt to no success what so ever, I drink copious amount of swill water wine. That’s it. This is my life.

As spring has made an early appearance, things in my life are starting to awaken a bit too. I only have 3 months left of school. I’ve kind of given up on the job hunt, I still look but am start to explore alternative options. I have a big move coming up. Once again life is starting to move forward. The stagnant phase is officially coming to an end.

Thank. God.

New Year? New Me? It's Cliche Time!

2010-01-07T20:55:00.001-08:00

I've now made it to Graduating Senior in Booty Skool. It has not been an easy road though. I lost my entire identity when I quit my old job. I'm not over exaggerating when I say I lost my entire life. I didn't how to introduce myself to people. I was embarrassed to tell people what I was doing. I couldn't justifiably explain the choices I'd made. I felt I had to justify the choices I'd made. Someone asking me "what I did" was the cause of an instant panic attack. Eventually I couldn't go out in public anymore. I couldn't handle the stress of it, the embarrassment of myself. I couldn't handle school either. (I still can't for the most part, I can't relate with 18 year old girls, I couldn't relate with them when I was an 18 year old girl) I became a recluse. I had a mini break down. I ate. A lot. As the months passed I became more comfortable with what I was doing. I also had a lot of spare time on my hands after my roommate moved out so I started some new hobbies. Like watching t.v. and eating junk food (probably my favorite), I started drawing, I began devouring books again, I took up painting, I was able to listen to music again. About a month ago I started leaving my house again. I now proudly tell people I'm a stylist and pass out my card.

In a few months I graduate. A new year has arrived. A ton of changes have also arrived in my life. Most notably I got my first tattoo, which I am IN LOVE with and I'm already planning my next ones. Also noteworthy, I've gained 40 pounds since July. Which I am NOT IN LOVE with and I'm not going to keep around. But I'm also about to embark on a new career, a new journey, a new life, a new state, a bunch of other stuff I can't get into just yet. Don't get me wrong things are by no means easy, in fact I'm having one of the hardest times I've ever had right now. But it's all good, things are going to be ok, I can see the end of the tunnel, I know how to introduce myself again, and my future's so bright I can't take my Gucci's off for one second. (And yes, I'm still a complete dork)

2009-08-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

I have been run ragged this past week. I've had a week full of finals. You'd think "booty skool" wouldn't have any homework, but in actuality I have more homework than I ever had at University. Tomorrow it's finally over with though and things die down a bit for the next couple months, thank goodness! This current pace is completely wiping me out.

I've also been dealing with a personal situation which may or may not get discussed in the near future. I just have to see how things go. I have a lot of Doctor's appointments lined up though of which I am none too stoked about.

Tonight though, I have a pot of spaghetti sauce I started from scratch simmering on my stove, a glass of merlot in my face, and I only have 3 more paragraphs left to do before I'm finished with the written portion of my project, whee!!!

My mother used to tell me....

2009-08-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything all.

Chilling out a little bit

2009-08-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

Considering the current state that my life has been in the last month and a half, I will say I am EXTREMELY proud of the fact that minus happy pills I've managed to only have a crying break down twice. And both times they only lasted about 10 minutes, go me! I've finally gotten rid of the school stress by consistently reminding myself that they have 20k of my money. They do NOT want me to drop out and take that back. It's going to work out somehow.

So instead of stressing on that issue I've been stressing on the future instead, lol. Now that the finances have been straightened out the reality that I'll be living in Los Angeles in less than a year has hit full force! Not going to lie, I am SO excited. Palm trees, trashy bars that serve amazing martinis, old friends, some of my favorite venues in the country, the ability to walk around dressed like the bastard child of Lady Gaga and Dr. Frank-N-Furter and not even raise an eyebrow from passerbys (not that I would, but I could!) and the SHOPPING! OMG shopping! And the beaches you can't swim in, the warm summer nights spent in rooftop jacuzzi's drinking champagne out of the bottle. The boys that'll hand feed in restaurants when you explain that you don't know how to eat with chopsticks. My FIRST meal when I get out there, is going to be motherfucking Los Tacos! The Grove, 3rd Street, omg I get positively GIDDY just thinking of it!

Then I look in the mirror and quickly realize that I can wait. I'm perfectly ok with waiting. I'm actually very glad that I have a few months here to pull myself back together. Let's face it, no East Coast standard will ever meet L.A.'s standard. It's a whole different world out there, and a world that I love. But I do need to give a shit about myself again. I'm not even bothering to do a stitch of shopping until I move. But I need to care about myself again. I need to get back into my healthy lifestyle. I need to get my confidence back up. I also need to lose 30 pounds in roughly 8 months. At least I finally have motivation!

Halfway There

2009-08-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

I finally have the financial portion figured out. I'm totally and completely set for the next year. You shouldn't hear me bitch again about money until I head out into the industry workforce.

Now I just need to get the school portion taken care of. Needless to say, they're being EXTREMELY uncooperative and I'm quickly learning that this particular location anyways, I don't to make a generalization of the entire system, but Providence for sure appears to be more about profit, than students and education. I'll know the final verdict on Tuesday. So help me god if I don't receive an appropriate answer I WILL be sending my Mother in after them. My Mother being the same person that once had a sit-in outside of my High School Vice President's office and was banned from the school which then resulted in a phone sit-in for nearly a week. They do NOT want to deal with my Mother! She's not irrational by any means, if I WAS in the wrong, my Mother would be leading the firing squad herself. But if I'm not, so help the poor person that crosses her daughter for Mama Bear is from Northern Maine. She's a gorgeous human being, but also a whole new breed of tough. Example: I think it was her senior year of high school she came back from winning the state championship for her basketball team just in time to be crowned Queen of Winter Formal. Directly after she received that title, she then won the nail hammering contest.

I have yet to get the family to admit to it, but I'm adopted, obviously.

2009-08-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

The fact that everyone, but me, can post on twitter again is really pissing me off, having nothing to do all day makes the days drag on and lack of twitter makes it worse. My life right now, it's really pissing me off. The nightmares I had last night regarding certain people, really upset me. Today I'm having trouble being so upbeat about things and I am officially scared. I'm just counting down the days until I find my way on to the street because at this particular moment, I have absolutely no other options.

Giving up?

2009-08-06T07:00:00.001-07:00

Today is the day that I half way give up, since you know walking 7 miles to a school where no one gives a flying fuck because the help my family promised me through this entire thing has vanished as I should have expected it to from day one, and I start applying for real jobs again.

EDIT: Opps! Just Kidding!!! There actually AREN'T any real jobs available. Of the 59 admin/clerical jobs listed in the online newspaper classifieds, 2 I'm not qualified for and the rest are scams. SWEET!

Because just when you think it can't get any worse...

2009-08-05T19:44:00.001-07:00

It does. Today the brakes on my car started seizing up. So now I have no money, no job, no phone, and YAY no car! Seriously god just strike me down and get it over with! I think my Mom is going to have to call in for me at school tomorrow, since you know I now have no way to get there. You know at the school where I'm only allowed to miss 2 days a month. There is a VERY good chance that I'm going to wind up one of those mid 20 somethings who moves back in with their parents, along with their enormous college debt, and no degree to show for it.

Life was so grand in California! I had my shit together, I had a well paying job with paid vacations, full benefits completely paid by my employer. I had an AMAZING tan, a fantastic stylist, good friends, and a pretty darn cushy little life going for me. Since I left it, life has been nothing but downhill. Honestly in the past three years I haven't one single success or achievement. It's been one failing job after another. One failed personal relationship after another. From one shitty apartment to even shittier one. I've just slid further and further into debt. In three years I've met 2 people who's friendship I actually care about. Good god I ended up hospitalized! I've been forced to sink to lows that I can't even mention on here. New England, it's official, I HATE YOU! In a perfect world I'd be able to throw everything behind me and transfer to Santa Monica with a job waiting for me. I want to go home. I miss California. New England will always be a huge part of me, I did grow up here and a part of me does love it, but from the day that Greyhound bus descended into the city, the first time I ever stepped foot in Los Angeles, I knew I was home. Sometimes, you just need to get away for a bit to gain some perspective. In actuality though, most likely I'm going to end up with my parents, in the middle of nowhere New Mexico. The lesson I've learned from all of this? When my parents get old my brother and sister are SO taking of them. I wipe my hands clean, I've already paid my dues!

Colour!

2009-08-04T22:20:00.001-07:00

Today was day one of my Sophomore phase. Yes that's right folks, I actually MADE IT TO SOPHOMORE WITHOUT DROPPING OUT!!! I think this is a first in my ever so long running secondary education career.

Tomorrow is our first day of colour. If you know me even in the slightest you will understand just how exciting this is for me! In case you don't, just put things into perspective, I'm on my 8th hair color thus far this year. I already have a pretty firm grasp on the basics as was proven today as we went over things. I have to say it was kind of nice that after all the years of experimenting on my head I have at least learned SOMETHING. Given this I am really excited to dive head first into the more advanced creative side of colouring. This phase should be a no brainer to pass. That is assuming I can find all of my models.

Every Saturday we have model day. We bring in someone for a free service, the point of it being to build up our portfolio. This would be fantastic and all, assuming I actually KNEW people bring in. Last Saturday my lovely friend Aurora happened to be in town, from Chicago, for a conference and was kind enough to volunteer. I'll post before and after pics soon. August is our last month of free services, and I have the last 2 Saturdays booked but the first 2 of the month I just may be screwed. So umm, here's my cry for help, if you know ANYONE in the area who is willing to get a free service, be it a stlye-out, deep conditioning treatment, cut, colour, ANYTHING (sadly we aren't doing manis/pedis) PLEASE send them my way. This is actually the best time to come in because it's pretty darn fool proof. Our teacher is over our shoulders the entire time and doesn't let us make ONE SINGLE MOVE without their approval and even gets involved with the process.

If I can't find anyone, I think I just may pick up the homeless lady that hangs out at the Burger King up the street. I'm sure she'd be grateful, and hey it's better than failing. Plus with my allergies, I wouldn't even notice her stench, it's a win-win situation and just might count as my good deed for the year!

Things that suck about living in the ghetto.

2009-08-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

The children have no curfew. Their lack of a curfew means they're outside my window screaming all night long. Which results in me getting NO sleep. Someone needs to teach these kids that the first step to a productive future outside of the ghetto is a good nights sleep!

More Instability

2009-08-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

I decided quite some time ago that I want to move back to California after I'm done with school. California requires 1600 hours and Rhode Island requires 1500 hours to get licensed. I thought I'd be able to do extra credit or whatever to makeup those hours. Turns out that's not so much the case. I have to put in those extra 100 hours at an academy in California. What does this mean? This means I need to transfer to the Santa Monica academy at some point in time. After tossing numerous possibilities around it makes the most sense to transfer over during my last phase of school. That way I can do all of my state board training specifically for the state I will be testing in and take advantage of the career placement assistance in the state I will be working in. So around April/May I need to move to Santa Monica. I'm not too thrill on the idea of living in L.A. again. However I've always said that if I ever went back to L.A. it'd be the Santa Monica area. The problem however comes in the fact that I have no idea as to where I'm going to be living once I'm done with school. I don't want to sign a lease that's going to restrict my job hunting to that area. California is a big state, there are tons of other awesome places to look for jobs. Even in L.A. alone. So I'm going to have to deal with temp housing for 2 months. Have I mentioned that I own a lot of crap and have 2 cats? Considering that I am still unemployed and this big trek is less than a year away I'm already a bit stressed. I just want my next job to be somewhere in which I can stay put for at least 3 years. I'm so sick of moving!

And I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend

2009-07-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

I just gave my sister the following dating advice in regards to the whole "I need a man to complete me" issue....

Here's the way I look at relationships, I'm a dior dress, whole beautiful and awesome all on it's own! BUT wouldn't a nice pair of louboutin's accessorize well with it? or some mikimoto pearls? etc? They'd really round things out a bit! the guys you date are your accessories, and as we all know accessories either go FABULOUSLY well or HORRIFICALLY wrong. they don't make you who you are though, they just offer something else. Add a little shine and sparkle to finish off and perfect the entire package!

Booty School Update!

2009-07-24T18:55:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I will be done with my 3rd week at Toni and Guy Hairdressing Academy. Or "booty (beauty) school" as my friends call it. Needless to say, thus far, it has been an EXPERIENCE!

I almost didn't make it through my first week. The adjustment was SO hard. I was standing there with my shears in hand trying to concentrate on cutting a straight line and all I could hear was the radio; one song would remind me that I should probably call someone and see how they were doing, the next would make me panic wondering whether or not I'd actually finished their contract, then it would be flashbacks to my first internship and tears would well up in my eyes out of fear that I'd left the only thing I know how to do and the only thing I love. Then I'd snap out of it all just to realize that I'd chopped half of the mannequins ear off. (not really, they actually don't have ears, but you get the just of it) I got my first legit paying job in music when I was 17. That's almost 9 years ago. I had to attempt to wipe my brain completely of my very train of thought, the same train of thought that I've been on for the last 9 years, and I was supposed to start over from scratch.

Then there were the other students. On average they're 7 years younger than me. They're also bleached blonde and absurdly fake baked. They're coming straight out of high school and still in that mindset. Not going to go into details but I graduated high school in three years because my peers tormented me so much that they nearly drove me to suicide (thank god I was such a failure that even my attempts didn't work). My peers were so awful that I almost went to jail for the rest of my life due to their "funny" little pranks. Once I got out of school I found my own way through the music industry, I gain some self-confidence kinda became someone "cool", I learned how to wear high heels/short skirts and the power of having boobs, and almost all of my close friends ended up being male. Not going to lie though, I still had horrific nightmares of those girls I went to school with. So winding up in booty school was kind of like my second attempt at high school, given my new peers. Since nearly 9 years ago I'd pulled the whole Ugly Duckling transformation, you'd think "high school" would be easier this time around, right? Yeah, no.....not so much.....completely wrong actually. Turns out I'm STILL the same loser I was way back when. The cheerleaders STILL want to put me in trashcans, only this time around I'll stab them with my stiletto before I ever allow it to happen. Not only that but they don't have football players to actually place me in the trashcan.

Here's a typical 2 minutes in my classroom:

me: OMG we have a DYSON here?! I just got a vacuum boner, those things are AWESOME!

random girl: eww, I DON'T clean, cleaning is like, slave labor, or something.

me: yeah I know, it's so amazing how your views on life change one you move out of mommy and daddys house.

You know how I mentioned the fact that nearly all of my friends are male now? Well it's definitely for a reason, I don't GET girls, I don't understand the way they work, or the their funny backwards logic, the backstabbing games, and oh my god the high pitched squeals..the amount of advil I go through these days is ABSURD! But you name it about girls...I just don't get it! Basically it comes down to the fact that I can't handle estrogen in high doses. I'm one of the guys, always have been, always will be. My school has almost 200 students. 4 of them are males. Only one of them is a straight male. For me, walking into school everyday is like walking into temple every Saturday and announcing "hey! I'm a direct relative of Hitler!" it's PURE self-destructive TORTURE!

I almost dropped out the first week, the second week I was in tears every day during lunch and after school. The third week, this week? This week I've learned my 8th haircut. This week I've played with all of our tools and products. This week I've finally learned how to tune everything out. All of the techniques we've been learning have finally clicked and make sense. This week I've gotten lost in my own little world and the creativity has taken hold full force. The creativity that is actually ENCOURAGED (this is why I chose to go to toni and guy) and pushed to it's limits by my teacher. This week I realized that hey, I really don't suck at this hair thing, actually I'm pretty darn good at it. This week I realized that I LOVE what I'm doing now and that I've made the best decision of my entire life.

ch-ch-changes

2009-07-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have never been one for labels. I've always loathed them. Whenever asked to describe myself and my identity the only answer I could ever come up with is, "I'm just a me." This mentality has always overflowed into to my friendships.

There was a time when all of my friends were purely my friends because we enjoyed each others company. As I get older I slowly watch the erection of walls between all of my friendships. I see all of my friends neatly organizing, compartmentalizing, and prioritizing all of their friendships. It starts with simple things such as work schedules, relationships, alcohol tolerance, child or childless, and slowly moves into much larger issues such as politics, economic/social class, religion, and even ethnicity. I guess logically I can comprehend the whole phenomenon. However emotionally, idealistically, I just can't. I think the thing that disturbs me the most however is watching which box all of my friends decide to stick me in. Let me assure you the variance is extreme from one individual to another. Other than the fact that the moment I get placed in a box our friendships are never the same, the main thing that bothers me is this; How can my friends know my place in the world so very well when I haven't even a glimmer of a clue at this point in time?

Sure I know the person I am, the person I was raised to be. As my parents told me growing up there are 2 kinds of people in the world, good people, and people who are having a difficult time in life. If they are the latter you try your best to help them out, if they don't want your help you wish them luck, step aside and pray for them. They also taught me to treat people the way you want to be treated. (Obviously I have yet to live up to their standards) The point is, these are the life skills I was raised on. This is how I was taught to look at the world. These are the ways in which I told (and try) to define myself. Apparently I've been all wrong about that though. Apparently my place in the world is far more importantly than the characteristics that I brings to it. Maybe it is time to take a look at the way that my friends and society defines me. Maybe in doing so it will make my life easier? For less face it, as time goes by these walls are only going to get taller and stronger, once the construction has started there's no turning back. And it's scary to think that my blissful idealism may leave me stranded alone surrounded by nothing other than impenetrable walls. Since I am the only person that doesn't have a strong view as to where my proper place is, it's a possibility that just maybe I should figure it out. And by just maybe I think I mean asap.

1st week of school

2009-07-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely beat, this week has killed me. If anyone ever told you cosmetology school was easy, they LIED! No more knocking on Frenchy, I COMPLETELY get why she dropped out! Up at 5:30am each morning. Finally done homework/job hunting and in bed about 1-2am. Tomorrow is my last day for the week, my weekend starts on Sunday. Tonight I'm finally getting into bed early and I'm stoked. I promise a big update on sun or mon, it's definitely been an experience thus far! Today was the day things finally started to click and make sense, it was the best feeling in the world! It made me forget about all of my other worries temporarily.

how many ways can one say fucked?

2009-07-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

The reason I haven't been blogging lately?

I have $27 to my name until I find a job.

Just in case you were wondering where I was.

Hanging on the telephone

2009-07-02T12:07:00.001-07:00

I survived the move down to Rhode Island. The apartment situation is great, my new roommate is awesome. There was some good news on the school situation, they were able to move up my start date from August 4th to July 6th which is fantastic! I am SO excited to start. The job hunt however is EXTREMELY scary.

I've applied for well over 30 jobs. Out of all these applications I've gotten 0 interviews. I've learned that I am not qualified for retail, restaurants, fast food, janitorial, and call center work to name a few. If both Burger King and Walmart tell me "thanks but no thanks" what chance do I stand?? I can't get into details, but I had no choice when it came down to the decision to move early which means I wasn't able to put together a financial safety cushion. I have $100 to last me until I find a job. This also takes into consideration the fact that my cell phone will be getting turned off at the end of the month due to lack of payment. I was denied unemployment. I am willing to take ANY job that is thrown my way, regardless of what it is, I'm not sitting on my butt complaining that there are no jobs that I want to do, or that fit my standards. I can't get a call back for ANY job. And you know what? It's SCARY! It's nice that the government is wasting all their time trying to straighten out healthcare, but I'd rather have a roof over my head than a mandatory ridiculously high copay and another bill to add to the collection.

Luckily I've saved all of my boxes from my move so I should be able to build quite the hobo shack for the cats and myself!

The Final Countdown

2009-06-24T10:56:00.001-07:00

This is where I should be embedding a really cheesy Europe video for your annoyance, lucky for you though I am way too lazy to hunt for such a thing. Today marks day 1 of the 3 day countdown. That's right 3 days until I move and my entire life as I know it, and have known it for years now, completely and totally changes. This week has been so hard for me. I have trouble with down time and waiting. Despite the fact that my grandmother repeatedly drilled the phrase "patience is a virtue" into my mind, all I got out of it was an extreme dislike of virtues in general. I just want to be down there already and taking care of the things I need to, like getting a job, or losing all this weight I've packed on due to stress/emotional eating. I can't really do anything right now and it's driving me insane. I have a few small chores but I've been spacing them out as much as I can so as to avoid a complete boredom induced breakdown. Here's what my next 3 days look like.

Today: Work, Clean Cat Carriers, (they we nicely tucked away in the basement but for some reason tool of a roommate stuck them on the back porch and now they're a rusted disaster)Laundry

Thursday: Work, Pack up my car (all 2 boxes and 1 filing cabinet that I have left to bring down)

Friday: Work, Wrangle the cats into their carriers and head down to Providence (This days is obviously going to be the most challenging. It normally takes at least 2 hours to get Whiskey in her carrier.

Needless to say, those are a lot of hours, with not enough tasks to fill them. So there's a very good chance the restlessness/boredom/stress will win.

2009-06-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

My life is extremely mundane and quiet these days. I have no witty stories, nothing at all. My Aunt and I moved everything down to Providence this weekend. It's was an easy quick non-stressful move. No exciting or absurd events took place during said move. We were done early so as opposed to making such a long trip in one day we headed over to the Cape to visit relatives and spent the rest of the weekend there. It was extremely relaxing and so nice to catch up with everyone. I hadn't seen anyone down there since my grandmother's funeral. We drank copious amounts of wine and stared at the ocean. It was amazing and just the break I needed from my horrific life up north. Now it's back in Maine until Friday to finish up my last week of work.

ok, time to get these ovaries removed

2009-06-15T19:46:00.001-07:00

I am worried sick about myself. I fear I've finally lost it and gone over the deep end. I am part of the Sex And The City generation. That show was still on the air as I entered the lovely world of "adulthood dating". When the last episode aired a bunch of girlfriends and I got together with numerous bottles of champagne and hor dourves and cried our eyes out together. I own all of the seasons on DVD. I turn to them any time a guy ever so much as looks at me, much less screws me over like they normally do. In my world, and all the women of my generation, those DVDS are the dating bible. And there's always one character in particular of whom we relate our personality to the most. When I first started with this series I was Samantha. To such an extent that I would have put Samantha to shame! For years I watched the show and seeing Samantha made me feel better about myself, made me realize that I was so far above my nitwit friends. Then a few years down the road some personal changes effected this judgment and suddenly I related with Carrie more. I just got her point of view better.

Flash forward to today. I watched the Bachelorette then got annoyed at ABC's Marry Me Monday and threw on a Sex And The City disk and who did I find myself relating to? Charlotte. Mother F-ing CHARLOTTE! You see all of my friends are settling down or already married. While before I viewed it as an "eww you guys are SO missing out on the fun!" issue, now as more people are joining I feel like I'm being denied at the door of a VIP Club, and I've never paid cover much less been denied at ANY club. I honestly don't know what's going on, but I can't help it, I want to be part of the "married" club. It's not even so much the marriage thing, it's that I want the excuse to throw the huge party and have everyone ooh and ahh at how awesome I am and how pretty my dress is.

Obviously the new realization that I am Charlotte was such a painful stinging smack in the face that I had to turn the tv off and head to the internet. Stupidly I went to www.dooce.com and saw the pictures of her new little baby girl. The pictures had just barely loaded on the site before my eyes welled up with tears and I blurted out loud "awww how precious! I want a baby!" Yes. You read that right. I had the same reaction as you, that realization of what I had just said, sent me straight to the kitchen to fill up another glass of wine. Not to mention, on top of this all, I spent all of last night dreaming of babies. (And of people trying to murder me, but that's a whole other issue all together leading back to my "Samantha Days") I guess I partially have to blame this on my family for currently shoving their desire for all of these things to happen down my throat, and partially on all of my friends for having all of these things currently occurring in their lives. However no matter who is to blame, the fact that these thoughts are even in my head, no matter how absurd or slight their existence, is completely and totally disturbing.

Would someone PLEASE take me out on the town, feed me vodka and Jameson shots, and hook me up with a hot one night stand so I can go back to the person I know and love? The person who can never remember the name of the guy she was with or be bothered to find her panties in the morning. I miss that girl!

It also does not help that I am PMSing right now.

Well there's one thing crossed off the list.

2009-06-14T12:15:00.001-07:00

I move on the 27th. I found an apartment. It's big, HUGE kitchen. I have a big room with a bay window and a walk in closet larger than the closet I lived in way back in my West Hollywood days. It's also cheaper than the closet I lived in. The cats are going to love the windows. New roommate seems incredibly awesome. Honestly how can anyone who started drinking vermouth on the rocks after seeing Hedwig and realizing there was a way to not waste your liquor after the vodka runs out, not be awesome. She's also from California so she has that totally laid back chill attitude that I miss so much. Now I just have to find a job. And square away everything with school, which should happen on the 30th at my meeting with the financial aide department, whew.

2009-06-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

Things just got very bleak and scary in my life.

at least I'll always have my car as an option

2009-06-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

The apartment hunting has begun full force and let's just say it's REALLY frustrating. I've had the absolute worst roommate and apartment experiences ever, so I'm trying to be somewhat picky this time around. I need to be for my sanity. My friends are saying that my expectations and priorities are way too high and completely out of line, but I don't think they are, here's what I'm looking for....

1. Female roommate ONLY. After these last 2 nutters I've been living with I'll never live with a guy again unless I'm dating him. The constant sexual harassment, crudeness, and filth are just not something I will deal with. I'd live with a gay man, but never a straight male again. Not to mention the fact that my little sister is going around a lot. She'll be moving from New Mexico to Mass in Sept to attend Wellesley. Maybe my big sister over protectiveness is a bit absurd, but she's going to be crashing at my place occasionally needing to get away from the dorm lifestyle and I want to make sure my apartment is a safe and comfortable environment for her do so.

2. I will only live with ONE roommate. These 3 bedroom places may be cheaper but there is ALWAYS drama when 3 people are involved. Petty fights always erupt and people start pitting one person against the other. It's just too much conflicting personality in too small of a place and I want to avoid any and all drama at this point in my life. I don't have time for it. Anything larger than 3 bedrooms, well just say that communes are NOT my style.

3. I have a car. I want a parking space. I am not dealing with on street parking and tickets and boots and towing. It's not happening.

4. I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for a place that I will most likely only be living in for a year. It's a waste of money and the expensive apartments are never worth what you pay since your roommates only trash the place anyways.

5. NO KEG PARTIES. No keg party type roommates. I NEED my sleep. With my new schedule I have to be to school from 8am-4pm Tue-Sat and I have to work on top of that. I will NOT suffer from sleep deprivation due to my roommates selfish disrespectful tendencies. I've reached the point in my life where I truly need sleep to function.

6. The most important thing, I have 2 cats. I love them and they go anywhere I go. Parting with them is NOT an option.

I really don't think any of this is too much to ask, but you'd be amazed as to how much it narrows down the available housing list and raises my stress level. I'm going down to look at places tomorrow. I had a long list of potential apartments, but as the week has gone by it's dwindled down to two. Here's hoping one of them works because it's getting scary close to moving day.

my stomach can't handle the horror

2009-06-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, over the past two years I've become a Celebrity Blog Junkie. I love them! At one point in time there was no greater validation than knowing celebrities were emulating my behavior.

Example: Well over a year ago I came into the office with a hickey much to the complete horror/amusement of my coworkers. It spurred tons of ridicule. That was until the next day when Amy Winehouse showed up on Perez Hilton sporting hickeys herself. You see, I used to be a trainwreck trendsetter!

These days I just love to read and amuse myself with the fact that these celebs are still aboard this train, destination unknown. Where as I got off at a beach stop a ways back and have been a lazy bum soaking in the rays and laughing at them for quite some time now. These websites are the validation that I need in my life since the only true socializing I do is with my cats.

As of late I've been noticing a disturbing trend on all these sites though. What is with all the midriff shirts?! I was able to avoid the midriff trend in the 90's due to my mother banishing them from the house. After all they were not proper attire for a young woman and they made boys think impure thoughts. Women should not lead boys on in such a way. (If only my mother knew then, or now, that this skill of leading men on was the only way I ate while living in Los Angeles, she'd surely find herself in purgatory a few years prematurely) This time though, I can't use my mother's chiding as an excuse. So I keep staring down at my poor untoned gut and hearing it's harsh lecturing words for having let it get this bad. My gut just knows how awful it's going to look in all these shirts. It's demanding I throw myself on the floor immediately and get to the crunches. Obviously I'm going to avoid these shirts as long as I possibly can, but we all know how these trends work. Before you know it you aren't even going to be able to find normal length shirts in the stores. Darn you hideous fashion trends, DARN YOU!

With that said, I think I've decided upon champagne and nachos as my bachelorette munchies for the evening.

Change of Plans

2009-06-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

Currently taking a break from packing/cleaning. A chore that I loathe. A chore that I have done one too many times. At this point in my life I am quite sick of moving. However there has been a sudden change of plans, I am now moving down to Providence in July, instead of August. There goes my vacation, but it does make sense. As my Grandfather said what is the point in staying up in Maine where I am just rotting and not making any money. Where as if I move down as soon as possible I can get a jump start on my new life, find a job, and get settled in before I start school. I briefly contemplated a protest about currently living only a mile away from the beach, however since he's funding this move I will do whatever he says. Not to mention it is a very valid point he is making. So I am spending the evening, cleaning, packing, drinking beer, and trolling craigslist for both an new apartment and someone to take over this room. Needless to say the headache factor is extremely high.

like the beginning of a modern day Jane Austen novel

2009-06-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

Everyone in my family married and had kids quite young. Seeing as to how I turned 25 last year, with no ring on my finger, no children, and not even the slightest prospect of a boyfriend, my family is deeply worried about my old maid status. My Aunt has suggested match.com. My father has made it quite clear that he wants grandchildren, and rather soon please, so hurry up get married and move to New Mexico! My mother, I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm gay and has given up all hope. It's a never ending conversation and it's slowly driving me insane.

Yesterday my Aunt was in town briefly so I met up with her and she took me out to dinner. We sit down in the restaurant, I'm putting my sunglasses away when the waiter comes up and says "Oh. My. God. Are those Diors? Those are REAL Diors! Where did you get them?? No where around here right. I have a pair of D & G's but I'm DYING to get a pair of Diors, so fab!" This obviously sparked my favorite conversation of shopping and designers so we chit chatted for a bit, before the waiter went and prepared our margaritas.

The moment he stepped away on his ever so important tequila quest my Aunt's face absolutely LIT up, "JEN! HE WAS HITTING ON YOU! GET HIS NUMBER!" "Umm, he's gay." "No! He was hitting on you, and you two have so much in common! Plus he's cute!" This was the comment that really got me though, for this guy was NOT attractive. If he was straight and hit on me in a bar he would have been shot down oh so quickly based upon face value. I may always associate with assholes, but at least they're attractive assholes. Needless to say this marry the gay boy conversation continued throughout the ENTIRE dinner, and after in the parking lot as we said our goodbyes.

I'm not sure what bothers me more, the fact that my spinster status now has my family trying to pawn me off on obviously, blatantly, gay men. Or the fact that it has them trying to pawn me off on such unattractive gay men! Considering the fact that the first thing I did when I got home was look up the caloric content of the salad I had for dinner, which I then followed by a 2 mile run and a 1.75 mile walk, I'm going to say it's definitely the latter that bothers me. Fine marry me off to a gay man, just make sure he's hot and accessorizes with my shoes properly!

Cutbacks

2009-06-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

As I prepare to embark upon the return to school I've realized it's time to make cutbacks anywhere I possibly can. The harsh reality of being a starving college student has finally sunk in and I'm being forced into options I never thought I could handle.

For starters I downgraded my phone today. Yes, you read that right, DOWNGRADED. I'm probably the only moron on earth who would even contemplate doing such a thing in this day and age. I'm not longer tied to outlook so I said goodbye to my crack berry and got a samsung gravity. I still need a full keyboard, I'm half way through my billing cycle and have used 1,661 text messages thus far. Getting rid of internet, email, and downgrading from a black berry plan to a regular plan will be saving me over $30.00 a month. Which may not seem like a lot but that's 2 weeks worth of groceries for me.

Speaking of groceries, my diet has changed again. There is other reasoning behind this, of which I am not able to go into on a public forum, but I have ditched my vegan ways. Do you know how much money this is going to save me? TONS! Veggies are ridiculously expensive. Eggs, etc. not so much. It's interesting, even though I made this change over a week ago, the only bi-products I've eaten are tuna and yogurt. When I finally get to go shopping again on Monday it's going to be interesting, instead of focusing my list on what I can eat, I get to focus it on what's cheapest. It's going to take some adjustment that's for sure.

The last big change I've made at the present moment is my move down to Providence all together. This move puts me only an hour away from Trader Joe's and 3 Buck Chuck, along with all their many other discount quality alcoholic treats. Do you know how much money a monthly trip to TJ's is going to save me? TONS! I have missed Mr. Charles Shaw and Vodka of the Gods oh so very dearly. So on top of the obvious money savings, it's going to be like being reunited with dear lost loved ones. I have the largest smile on my face right now, just thinking of the joy of it!

Right now that's as far as my plan has gone. If you have any other money saving ideas, please let me know!

Taking a Break

2009-06-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

Since I left school full time back in 2002 I have worked non-stop. The only vacations I have taken through out that time are some rushed long weekends, most of which I ended up spending a good chunk of time working remotely. I also took a couple weeks off when I moved cross country in my Hyundai with my cat who screamed at the top of her lungs for every single second that she sat in her cat carrier. I have always worked during holidays either by force, or financial necessity. The majority of these 7 years I have been working a minimum of 2 jobs. The point I'm trying to make? I'm burnt out! I need a break.

It's getting to that time again where I impose another upheaval upon my life, the start of school. The plan was to end work July 31st, move over the weekend, and start school on Aug. 4th. The rational behind this plan being that I need every spare dollar I can get. I've made a decision though, my mental sanity and the insurance that I can survive the rigorous school schedule I'm about to immerse myself in are more important that a couple extra dollars. My last day of work is going to be July 17th. I'm taking 2 weeks off before I start school. You know what I'm going to do during those 2 weeks? NOTHING! I'm not going anywhere (I couldn't afford to even if I wanted to). I've already started packing, I have packing down to an art at this point in time. I'm going to spend 2 weeks relaxing, hanging out at the beach, and just being a bum. I need it. I deserve. Here's to my first real vacation ever!

All dignity I once had is officially lost

2009-05-29T10:00:00.001-07:00

I have a lot of bad influences in my life. My circle of friends includes a vast variety of extremely amusing, unbelievable, inappropriate and shocking characters. There is one person in particular who has caused the most irreversible damage to my life and my reputation though, my old boss Diane. Before I met Diane I had never once visited Perez Hilton.com, I now visit about 30 millions times a day to pass the hours. I never owned a single pop mp3 (80's excluded), then I met Diane and suddenly I found myself buying Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne cd's. I found myself driving along listening to the Spice Girls and I even went to see Avril Lavigne in concert! By myself might add. This time her influence has gone too far though and I've reached the point of no return....

I'm totally and completely sucked into The Bachelorette. It started when I watched the last season of The Bachelor. I didn't even see the finale because I thought he was such a putz and I got mad when Jillian was kicked off. But now adorable miss Jillian has her own show and I am all about it!

I am pretty sure just admitting this means that I have now lost my entire circle of friends, except for Diane of course, so to those of you that still read this blog, let me just give you a fair warning that my life is pretty much over. I highly doubt there will be anymore inappropriate one night stand stories, etc. because I'm going to be way too busy watching The Bachelorette to have my own life.

New Mexico

2009-05-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

About a week ago I found myself at my little sister's graduation in middle of nowhere New Mexico. Seriously, they don't even go to school in a town, it's a village. The cow population literally outnumbers the resident population, and by a lot. I will say though, the kids that live there are AMAZING. I was dumbfounded by my little sister's class. Out of 33 kids (yes that really was the size of her graduating class) 32 of them are going on to college. The one kid that isn't, well he joined the Navy, just as admirable. 22 of those kids graduated with a 3.5 GPA or higher. All of those kids going on to college are doing so with a scholarship of some sort. Big props to my sister of course (sisterly pride I can't help it), she earned the most scholarship money and is one of two kids actually going to school out of state.

Surprisingly the trip was quite eventful. There was a visit to Roswell, NM where I toured the International UFO Museum and Research Center. Sadly my father is still not convinced of the existence of extraterrestrial life. I had the privileged of meeting someone in real life who is the proud owner of a PINK Mary Kay Cadillac. Previously I thought they were a myth and am now contemplating selling Mary Kay so I too can have one. I helped my parents herd the sheep and goats when they escaped from their pen. Well I gathered the flashlights they used anyways. You don't think I'd traipse through through that barren snake ridden wasteland in the middle of the night while wearing heels now do you? My parents also refrained from tossing me out of the car numerous times due to my exclamations of "AWWW! Baby cow! SOOOO CUTE!" every time we passed a bovine spawn. Which given our location was about once every millisecond.

Though it was fun, and great to see my family. It had after all been almost 3 years since I'd seen my mother. I was absolutely OVERJOYED to get back to New England, and civilization again. I have made it a priority to visit more often though, it's good to see family occasionally. As I told my father, I will now see him once a year when I come down for the Roswell UFO Festival.

I still hate those assholes for shooting Bambi's mother

2009-05-15T23:53:00.000-07:00

But in the words of Thumper's mother.....

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

twitter withdrawal

2009-05-13T12:24:00.001-07:00

Twitter is currently down for about an hour of scheduled maintenance. It's about 24 minutes into said maintenance and I'm starting twitch. I don't know what to do with myself. My palms are sweaty and I'm starting to panic. The uncomfortableness and fear has slowly leaked into my consciousness. I mean haven't even tweeted about how hungry I am yet. Forget ME for a moment, god knows what sort of juicy gossip I am missing in other people's lives. How do I waste time and avoid my current reality, which is a state of absurd sobriety/boredom/procrastination, without twitter?

THIS VACATION IS GOING TO GO POORLY!

going off the grid

2009-05-13T11:16:00.001-07:00

Getting ready for a big "vacation" if you can call almost a week with your family that, starting tomorrow. I'm heading out for my little sister's high school graduation. I'm pretty damn proud of her, she graduated top of her class, will be heading to Wellesley in a couple months, and will be awarded a bunch of scholarships at her graduation that she has no idea she's received. Bawl my eyes out? Why yes I will! I swear the only things I packed in my suitcase are tissues and shoes. Considering the fact that she sent me a text yesterday saying "I need to have my graduation speech done in the next hour. I haven't started. I don't know what to say. Write it for me PLEASE?" I'm REALLY excited to hear her speech as well. For nothing says sibling love quite like laughing at each other's public humiliation. My appearance was supposed to be a big surprise but first my mother screwed that up, then I did. So like all surprises in my family (we can't keep our mouths shut for ANYTHING) it's over with. It will still be a good time though (hopefully).

I'll arrive tomorrow just in time to watch my bother compete in the state track meet, more sisterly pride! Then it's off the grid. My parents live in the middle of freakin' NOWHERE. I've never even been to the house they're currently living in. The geniuses thought it would be absolutely awesome to retire on a ranch so damn remote, that there's no wifi and no cell service. THEY CAN ONLY GET DIAL UP! Don't ask me how this is possible, I can't explain it myself. But it is. How I'm going to survive without twitter, I have no idea. If I don't reappear by Tuesday though, please know that I most likely perished trying to outrun a cattle stampede in stilettos.

Still alive.

2009-05-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

Though I did wake up in the back seat of my car yesterday morning. Don't ask. I can't tell you because I have no idea. All I know is that those were STRONG lemondrops.

I have just found myself insanely busy as of late. I have a lot going on. For one, I am officially over my field of work. I'm done with it. I just can't do it anymore. So I'm making a career change. I enrolled in a cosmetology school and in August I'm moving down to Providence to attend. It is something I've wanted to do so high school I'm moving state lines away because I wanted to make sure I actually went to a decent school as opposed to podunk methlab beauty academy or whatever. I am very excited about it. Needless to say this choice has been met with some very poor reactions. To the point where I'm almost ashamed to tell anyone anymore. Sadly as a joke I've started saying that I'm becoming a stripper instead and it's been met with FAR better reactions. Apparently that's empowering as woman where as cosmetology is white trash. Whatever. I firmly believe that everything is what you make of it. It's been another fun aspect of my life where I get to weed out people though. It's been an entire year of that and honestly, as time keeps going by I get a little more comfortable with myself. I'm finding I'm going back to the person I used to be, the person that just doesn't give a fuck, and it's kind of nice. I missed me.

Oh the many reasons my parents have to be proud

2009-04-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

I just realized it's been almost a week since I've updated. I'd like to say I've been off curing swine flu, banning the world of sweatpants, or doing something else noble to better mankind. In reality though I've just been back to my usual trainwreck self. I've never really cared for that term though. It's not really fitting. To say that I'm a trainwreck implies that I have gone up in flames in a horrific crashed that halted my course. When in reality I'm just the energizer bunny of bad decisions. I don't have the time to get into the details of the last week, but here's my laundry list of bad behavior....

*Dancing on tables/bars
*Hitting last call 4 out of 5 weekdays
*Scaring the piss out of a guy by giving him a kiss on the cheek
*Waking up on the floor of a Motel 6
*Oh the many ways one can use a camera phone (cheek guy doesn't know how easy he really got off)
*Spent an entire day wandering the state sans pants
*Made out with god knows what
*1 word, karaoke
*Alcohol LOTS of alcohol, last night alone I drank a bottle of wine and half a bottle of vodka
*Averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night
*Fisticuffs
*Practiced the lovely art of stiletto throwing
*And a number of other stuff that I just can't go into via a public forum

Oh yeah, I'm on a ROLL! Right now though, all I want is sleep, I was up until 7am.

Putting the ass in class.

2009-04-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

I recently purchased a new brassiere. It's all lacy and pretty and some seriously hot stuff considering the fact that no one sees my undergarments ever. But I'll be damned if it doesn't make the boobs look hot. I was wearing a semi low cut shirt so I rocked the new bra with it today in order to ensure attractive cleavage. It wasn't long though before I discovered that all the pretty lace, is all pretty damn itchy. So I was battling boob itch all day at work.

Finally at one point I just couldn't take it any longer. I'm in a cubicle and people rarely pass by me, so I shoved my hand down the front of my shirt for a little scratching relief. Of course the very moment I do this my boss walks past me and gives me this look of shock/horror/embarrassment over the fact that he just saw me copping a feel of my boob mid work day.

I didn't even bother to explain. Anything I could have said would have only made the situation even more uncomfortable.

Yep, that's me. Awkward AND classy.

Wow.

2009-04-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Just wow. That's all I have to say. Some people, some people are AMAZING and normally it turns out they're the last people you'd ever expect to be friends with. Some folks, they slap you upside the face so quick you don't know what hit you, and they're the people you always thought you could trust with your life. And then there are those guys, the ones who really serve no purpose in your life except to giggle, and thank god for them! For any and everyone that might fit into any of these categories, I love you all.

I am a firm believer that everyone whom comes into your life comes into it for a reason.

I am a firm believer in fate.

I'll be damned if fate isn't a twisted little bitch though.

A hazard of living in the country.

2009-04-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

This blog was so much more interesting when I lived down in Boston. Portland, and my life, are just boring now. Yesterday I worked, cuddled with the cats, and watched Lost. That has been all I've pretty much done for the last week. I've just got nothing to say anymore. Sure I could hop into the way back machine and dig up some stories from my past, but honestly I kinda like my past staying in the past. I'm kinda happy with my boring lame little life. Though it makes for bad reading, it is so nice to be completely drama free right now.

Rehab? Is that you calling my name again?

2009-04-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

I think it's time to take a break from drinking again. I'm really bored folks. Maine=BORING. So drinking is an easy way to pass my time. Last night I went out for a couple cocktails with my friend Pamela. We go out about once a week or so and always have an absurd but fun time. I should have known trouble was a brewing when I started drinking chardonnay. Yeah, chardonnay. White wine is to me what whiskey is to most folks. Trouble. We ended up closing up the bar but not before getting up and doing karaoke. Oh yes folks, I sang karaoke. No it wasn't pretty. I know I can't sing worth a dime, so I just kinda screamed out the words and shook my ass a lot to make up for it. Gwen Stefani, I apologize for butchering your song!

The trouble came when I got home though. You see the problem with me and drinking is that once I get started I'm on a roll! I become the energizer bunny. So I get home around 2am, I'm bored out of mind, not ready to go to sleep, and drunk. I've been on this kick as of late, where I have to try and do everything at least once just to say I did. It's kind of like a bucket list, only I'm not dying, I'm just getting old and going through a quarter life crisis. So my chardonnay induced mind decides, you know what would be hilarious, if I ordered pizza and answered the door in my underwear! Because you always hear stories about people doing this, but how many people do you know who have actually done this. Well, now you know me. This wouldn't be such a big deal except the only thing I really wanted was a soda, so I go onto Papa John's.com and find a coupon for free sodas with your order. Obviously I had to use this coupon because the sodas would be free! When all was said and done, they required ordering $40 worth of pizza. I can't eat pizza. I'm gluten intolerant. So here I am this morning, with $40 worth of pizza (which is really only 2 pizzas and some breadsticks) that I can't eat, and my free soda all in the name of being able to say that I have answered the door for the pizza guy in my underwear. Which for the record was HILARIOUS. The look on his face was priceless. So umm.....if you want dinner stop by my place. I promise to be clothed. Actually I probably won't be home, I'll be at AA.

Also go to www.wordonthetweet.net fast forward to the last 6 minutes and hear how Samantha Ronson was compared to me.

Karma

2009-04-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

Now I'm not exactly sure why karma is out to get me considering the fact that I've been living the life of a nun BUT karma is kicking my ass this week. The past 3 days we have had the nicest days of the year thus far. It's been gorgeous, sunny, near 60, just absolutely beautiful! Me, I've been stuck in bed with the bubonic plague. Lesson learned, even just talking to someone from Bakersfield about Bakersfield all the way on the exact opposite side of the country will give you the Bako Bubonic Plague. This wasn't exactly a theory I was trying to test out, but lesson learned. Everyone knows how insane I've been over the weather, so it is KILLING me to be cooped up inside while it's so nice out, and next week, it's supposed to cool down again, like back into the 40's cooler. Have I ever mentioned that I hate my life?

I've gotten so dehydrated from this flu though, I should have an IV in my arm at the moment. Trust me, with as many hospital trips as I've made I know IV dehydration at this point in time. So I staggered out across the street to CVS (which just about did me in) to get some Gatorade. The Gatorade was ridiculously expensive but Powerade was on sale, which is technically the same thing. So I stocked up on Powerade and stumbled home in the gorgeous weather. Doing so all I could think of was my Grandmother. I remember when Powerade first came out, my cousin and I were OBSESSED with it! This one summer it was all we wanted to drink, we were children of the 80's marketing campaigns were regarded with amazing respect in our young minds. If it was on tv AND new it had to be the BEST THING EVER!

We went to church with our Grandmother ever Sunday, and afterward we'd always go out to eat. As soon as the summer season started and the beach began to open up again we'd always go somewhere along the shore for brunch. Savoring the weather, the people, the tourists, the local shops that we could only enjoy per the season. That particular summer though, we only wanted to eat at one place. The Long Sands General Store. We had our choice of any restaurant we could possibly want, but every weekend we'd drag our poor Grandmother to the general store so we could get Powerade and French's Potato Sticks. You can only imagine the horrified look this poor Italian woman would have on her face when we'd tell her that was where and what we'd want to eat.

But she always took us, and her look of horror would instantly melt when she'd see the smiles on our faces. So we'd sit on the benches outside, look at the beach, eat our breakfast then it was back home to her place for a day of picking blackberries in her yard, listening to Glen Miller and Frank Sinatra, swinging on her swing, and my mandatory piano practice. Of course a couple hours after we'd get back to her place we'd be starving. She was always prepared though and at our first claim to hunger her patio table would instantly be set with sunbrewed ice tea, potato chips, and egg salad sandwiches that she had made prior to mass, unknown to us, knowing this exact scenario would play out.

kill me.

2009-04-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm at home with the flu, working. Even typing hurts I'm in so much pain. My roommate just spent half an hour pounding on my door because he's bored. Can you say someone needs to get a job? Now I'm afraid to leave the room to use the bathroom. He WILL NOT leave me alone! I get stalked within my house. I can't even be sick in peace. Meanwhile his cat started scratching at the door while he was knocking. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life.

2009-04-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

Next time I'm complaining of sheer exhaustion maybe I should take note. I have the flu. Not just an eww I kinda feel like crap flu, I have THE FLU! I haven't had the flu like this in years. I'm on day 2 and I still can't even keep water down. I'm so behind on work now. And my paycheck is going to be shit which means I now have wait another month to get my car back on the road. Guess who is NOT amused! Not to mention my coworkers are PISSED. I hate being sick. I absolutely hate it, it's the worst thing in the entire fucking world. I have myself propped up in bed right now, trying to catch up on work but really I just want to curl up in front of the toilet and die.

the monotony continues...

2009-04-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely exhausted, I'm not sure if I'm coming down sick or if I'm just in a general rut of depression. Things are pretty crappy as of late, so the later is most likely the case. Outside of personal shit, the weather is friggin miserable. It's nearing mid-April, there's nothing but rain and temps are well below average. GLOBAL WARMING MY ASS! Normally I take a vacation to escape the cold and keep my sanity once a year but that was so not in my budget this year. Last night as soon as I got home I had some blueberries for dinner and promptly fell asleep by 7pm. I woke up at 9:30am, still in my clothes from the day before, and let me tell you I didn't wake up easily. I'm just beat. I looked ragged and completely drained. Which I can't even care about because, well, I am. However the blueberries stained my lips. So I look like I have red wine hangover lips. Needless to say my bosses aren't believing the truth so much and it's more than highly annoying. I wish I was hungover! That would mean I could afford the $3 wine at Wal-Mart.

We have a work event tonight that I should be going to, but I'm not so sure I'm in the mood. Some days it's just best to keep me away from crowds. I was hoping it was going to be a "take the band for dinner before the show on the company dime" event, aka "Jen's broke ass will actually get dinner tonight!", but sadly it's not. So I'm doing the great debate of which scenario will irritate me less, the general public vs. loser I have no job and haven't left the house in over 2 weeks roommate. It's a tough choice, the roommate is getting bored and thinks knocking on my door at all hours so he can tell me about the shape of his cats shit is perfectly acceptable. Then again the general public also thinks talking to me is perfectly acceptable. Little hint, neither are.

In other news, my rent check bounced. I canceled my gym membership last month. Or so they told me I had. They didn't process it. Rent is $367 a month, I had $366.94 in my account. It was written out to loser roommate though, so honestly, I kinda don't care! WHEE!

And the last of my misery, Sunday night I placed my heel in a pothole and tripped and biffed it, not once, but twice. Embarrassing, not so much, I fall all the time. I'm the most uncoordinated person on the face of the earth. However I scraped up the entirety of my kneecap. It's disgusting looking, very infected, and extremely painful. The scar is going to be lovely.

Opening day today! The boys better fucking win.

Trying to recover

2009-04-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm still pretty tore up from Saturday night. I have a bunch of mysterious bruises, a lump on my head, my back is killing me from passing out on a plywood floor. I'm physically in serious pain, and my man hating is at a whole new extreme right now. I didn't want to sit around and think about things last night so I went out for cocktails with drinking buddy extraordinaire Pamela. We started off with a couple ciders because I was still feeling like shit and needed to ease my nausea, then we switched venues and went to Styxx which was exactly what I needed, booty shaking and gay boys. It's oh so very nice to be able to go into a bar completely filled with men, do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, and not have to worry about a single thing happening to you. No harassment, no pervy dry humping disguised as dancing, NOTHING. Just tons of compliments from absolutely adorable boys who are also amazing dance partners and the opportunity to let my guard down. Seriously at this point I have no desire to hang out at any other bar ever. Thursday they're having a school girl/school boy costume contest. Pamela and I are SO all over that one!

Nothing says fun like roofies!

2009-04-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

Last night was lovely. I consumed 4 screwdrivers out of tiny little plastic dixie cups. Things were going well I was tipsy and rather enjoying myself when all of the sudden I couldn't walk straight or even hold myself up. I was stumbling to the back room falling all over the place and the next thing I remember is waking up way more than half naked under a table in a pool of my own vomit while some jackass took pictures of me on his cellphone. I still couldn't move though so I promptly just passed out again. By the time the evening was over I had to be CARRIED out of the bar, I didn't have the ability to stand. There is no way that could come from 4 miniature sized cocktails. When I went out to dinner with Diane I had 2 pint glass sized screwdrivers and 2 or 3 ciders. Then went out to see a show, had a couple cocktails there, then went to the bar and drank some more. I remember everything of that night, walked around all night long, no vomit, just a headache in the morning. I was not allowed to get my own cocktails last night, we had our own "beer bitch" something I wasn't happy about but was mandatory. I know I was drugged.

People suck.

Because I needed more on my plate.

2009-04-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be cohosting a radio show tomorrow night. It's just a school station and just for fun but it's an overnight shift and live. Must start controlling swearing! Yeah this weekend just got totally and completely insane. Not that I know what I'm doing but the kid I'm doing it with is totally green and the equipment is completely outdated. Like there's a turntable in the studio, so it's going to be a hell of a challenge.

Definitely no relief in sight.

2009-04-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling so hot today, but I'm trying to pull myself together for it's going to be a jam packed weekend. I'm out of town for a work event tonight that's going to last god knows how long. I'll get back into town tomorrow late afternoon attempt to clean my house than an early bed. I have to be in the office super early on Monday since I have to bail early to head down to Boston because I'll be DJing at River Gods with Brian. The theme: Guys in Makeup. Seriously can it get any better than that?

I had a bunch of stuff to say, but my mind is fried right now. It's been a long week, and it's just kind of blending right into another long week. All of my weeks seem to do this these days and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it up.

Convent Ahoy!

2009-04-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have officially had my fill of men. I've been this way since about January now. I'm just fed the fuck up with the douchebaggery. I got into a fight with my roommate today our conversation went like this...

"you're acting like a fucking child."
"what?!"
"you heard me perfectly clear"
"well...I mean...I don't think so? I haven't been in your room, or you mine, but if you want to act like we're making a child just let me know. We can anytime. I didn't realize you felt this way about me, why didn't you let me know before???"

Yes he was completely serious in his offer to sleep with me. He completely misconstrued my words. So the entire conversation of how taking the trash out means taking it to the curb where it will get picked up, as opposed taking it to the front porch where stray animals will tear it apart is not appropriate, translated into his mind as BOOBS VAGINA SEEEEXXXX!!! Now maybe if this was someone who possibly saw my boobs, vagina, had sex with me or whom I had shown even the slightest interest in ever I would understand. But we have a very black and white relationship consisting of "I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS YOU DISGUSTING MAN"

So I was already fuming as I walked out the door and forgot to prepare myself for dealing with the general public. You see, a woman is not allowed to walk down the street just minding her own business. It is impossible to make it so far as a block without some jackass honking their horn/whistling/making inappropriate comments. Woman are not flattered by this. It scares us half to death and then just pisses us off. No one ASKED for your comment. It's just plain rude! And it pisses me off to no end. My answer to it, is to flip everyone off, which is promptly followed by a "BITCH!" or "SLUT!" comment from the guy in the car. Excuse me, I'm a bitch/slut? You're the ass that is sexually harassing me completely unprovoked, while I'm just trying to walk down the street. Seriously, do these guys expect me to wave them down, ask for a ride, then give them road head in exchange for their chivalry? Is there an urban myth going around that claims some woman has ever done this before (and not asked for money when she was done). I just don't get it! But it really does ruin my day and put me in a foul bitter mood.

I am also done with the cheaters. No I have never been cheated on before. I'm just over the whole "I'm a man, I just can't help myself" crap. If there are other circumstances, whatever, all situations are different, but DO NOT give me that "I'm a man...." line, because I call BULLSHIT on it. I know PLENTY of men that don't cheat. I know TONS of men that CAN keep their dick in their pants and DO have respect for women. The rest of you guys are just a disgrace to your gender. I can totally accept, "She was hot, I wanted to fuck her." But I can't accept "I have no self control." You might as well say "My penis grew arms and held a gun to my head (yes all men actually think their dick is that big) and forced me to have sex with that woman!" See how ridiculous that sounds?

I don't know who the hell raised all of these men, but there are A LOT of mothers that completely failed at their jobs. And I for one am sick to death of constantly dealing with their failures. All I'm asking for is respect and some basic manners. Is that so much to ask for? Yes. Yes it really is!

Personal Day

2009-04-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

I need one badly. I'm dying for a day off. A day to just lounge and relax. I've been working on the weekends to bring in a little extra cash after the "utilities fiasco of winter 09". I've also had a couple out of town commitments. Due to this, I haven't had a day off at home in weeks. I need to get my spring cleaning done and do a huge over haul of the house but I'm just lacking time. I do bits and pieces of what I can here and there, but the moment I turn around my efforts are thwarted by unemployed roommate. Roommate who is so lazy he hasn't paid the rent yet because then he'd have to leave the house and go to the bank to cash my check. The house needs a major deep cleaning, and our yard needs some serious work after winter as well. I was planning on doing this Saturday morning before I had to take off for work. I'll be gone Sunday as well so it's pretty much the only opportunity I have. My Aunt just called me though, she's going to be in town Saturday for the home show and wants me to join her. On top of this scheduling nightmare, I'm also going to be out of town the next 2 weekends in a row. I think I need to stash away some cash and make the last weekend of April a spa weekend. I need it. Assuming I can survive until then.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Aunt, I absolutely love her to death. She's the only family member I never fight with and actually trust. But I just don't want to see her THIS weekend. I was so looking forward to my half a day off. Now I have to find time to deep clean the house BEFORE she comes since it's so embarrassing. Obviously I have tonight and tomorrow night. However I have to put together a 7 hour playlist by Saturday night which I was planning on doing tonight and fri. Luckily I already have my playlist for my dj night on Monday all set. I just need to knock this one out and honestly I don't know how I'm going to fit it in on top of cleaning. Or vice versa. I'd say coffee, but I'm out. I think I'm just going to plan on using a good old stress/adrenaline rush.

Why can't anything ever be easy.

2009-04-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to go back to school. They want an immunization form. Yeah a record of my shots. I didn't have a family doctor growing up. My parents were too busy traipsing me from town to town every year and a half. My parents threw out my birth certificate, there's no way in hell they still have my immunization records. I know I received my immunizations, because EVERY time I did I would have an allergic reaction to them and come down with the disease they were immunizing me for. The idea of having to get them all again and relive that hell just doesn't excite me. Not to mention how much money it'd cost. I'm 25, I haven't died. I have my shots. Just let me go to school people so I can stop living in a shit encrusted house.

I'm really fighting the urge to cease to exist. I'm dying to change my name, identity, everything, and just pack up and leave. This life isn't working for me. I want a new one.

28 hours

2009-03-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

Before the drama of Sunday night I had a lovely time. I hopped on the train down to Boston, had no problem taking the T from North Station to Fenway. If you know me, than you know the T is the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. But it was easy this time around. The only issue I had was some jealousy over the folks standing in line for the Celtics game, but what's a girl to do. I met up with Diane and Lincoln at Game On for dinner. I had such a great time. They are just absolutely amazing people. If you ever want to know how to make a relationship work, talk to these two. I believe their secret is no fighting, no cheating, possibly open communication and maybe even actually liking each other? I know, I know FOREIGN CONCEPTS! Seriously they're best. I really wish I got to see Diane more often, she's so much fun. I ended up missing a good majority of the Morrissey show, but I'm really glad I did. If I was smart I would have just stayed and had another round of cocktails with them before calling it a night and it would have been a perfect evening, lol.

Given all the other circumstances though, I didn't make it back to my place until after work on Monday. I was gone a total of 28 hours. Just 28 hours. I got to our front porch and could SMELL the stench coming from my apartment. I started gagging it was so bad. Within 28 hours our apartment managed to fall victim to feces, unwashed clothes strewn about, built up hair balls in the bathtub, mold in the sink. You name it, IT WAS THERE. And literally OVERNIGHT. So I drag the roommate around and shove his no in it all saying "BAD! BAD DOG!" No I wish, what I actually said "See, these are the cleaning issues that we're having. I can't leave the house for a couple hours without it becoming a disaster!" He just looked at me and shrugged than yelled at me for having OCD. And went back to the living room that was filled with empty take out boxes and half eaten food.

I just don't fucking get it. I'm now PARANOID to leave my house at all. Unfortunately due to new circumstances, I'm going to be gone every weekend from now on. I just can't handle the stress of it though. I can feel my ulcers starting to flare up with a vengeance.

I just don't like people.

2009-03-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular belief I do not just sit at home twiddling my thumbs waiting for my friends to call me with their crisis. It's not something I enjoy. I do take their calls and never judge regardless of situation, time of day, whatever I may be in the middle of, I drop it all to help out my friends, because I'm just one of those people. I think the correct term for the kind of person I am is "idiot". After everyone up and ditched me, flat out just took off without saying a word, as I was aimlessly wandering the streets of Boston at 3am in hopes that someone would please answer their fucking phone, please tell me if they had a place that I could crashed, or just say hey, you'll be fine. I did a mass deletion of my phone book. I'm a lot happier with the results now.

I just don't have the energy for my "friends" anymore. They suck the fucking life out of me then drop off the face of the earth if I ever may need something. Because you know, they have lives, unlike me. They're good moral people, unlike me. Blah, blah, fucking blah. This is all the energy I will spend of this crap. I'm going to go get another cat.

Lazy Day Today....Busy Day Tomorrow

2009-03-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

It was a VERY lazy unproductive day today. I laid in bed until 6pm. Caught up on TV shows via the internet and that was it. Nothing else. Tomorrow though, tomorrow should be good time. I'm heading down to Boston to see Morrissey! Excited much? Yeah I REALLY am! Not only that, but it will be my first time at the new House of Booze!!! Opps, I mean blues. If you know me, then you know HOB's are my FAVORITE venues ever! I absolutely love them! Looks like I'll be going alone, but I'm sure I'll run into a million people I know there, whether or not that's a good thing, well only time will tell I guess.

Before the show though I'm meeting up with Diane, one of my favorite people ever, and her husband Lincoln for dinner. Sadly as much time as I spend down in Boston, I haven't seen Diane since I moved up here to Maine last September so I'm really excited to catch up with her. Though she's only a few years older than me she's one of those oh so mature overachiever people with a lovely family and a real life. So getting retarded drunk with me and slumming it around Allston, just doesn't really fit into her schedule. She does greatly enjoy my stories though, and it is nice to have someone who pretends to be my mother. Even if that does mean she would have had me in preschool.

Then Monday morning it's going to be a big rush back via train to make it in time for work. I supposed I should make an attempt at sleep given what a busy day it's going to be. More importantly given the fact that I'm going to have to wake up before noon in order to make it down there on time.

I really want a full time sleep study job. Not one of those insomnia ones, but one of those I never have to wake up or leave my bed ever ones. I'm going to have to check craigslist for one asap.

Note to self....

2009-03-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

You are TOO OLD for jager.

I feel REALLY bad saying this, but.....

2009-03-26T09:25:00.001-07:00

I wish I would get laid off. I'd survive a lot better on unemployment than I am now.

Just tried to set up a payment plan for my obscene hospital bill. They want a minimum $600.00 a month. Those of you keeping tally, I make $800.00 a month. Funny huh! Instead they're going to sue me for not being able to pay it.

I can't even say I'm looking for a break at this point, I just want an even playing field for christ's sake.

I don't even know why I'm bothering to try anymore. The harder I try the worse things get. FYI folks, there is no such thing as rock bottom. It can always get worse.

I hate my life.

That Guy vs. That Girl

2009-03-25T14:37:00.000-07:00

I have a large amount of single, soon to be single, recently single friends. I of course fall into the perpetually single category. As of late it seems we spend the majority of our time bitching about dating. Let's face it, dating is an AWFUL thing. With my females friends though, it always comes down to the same complaint 99% of the time...they always fall for THAT GUY. I'm not going to lie either, as soon as this trainwreck of a topic barrels it's way into a conversation, I am the first to jump aboard. THAT GUY is the bane of my existence! While his characteristics do vary from woman to woman you still know what I'm talking about. For me THAT GUY normally falls under most, sometimes all, of the following categories: cocky overcompensating attitude, attractive, unemployed, lives at home, lots of tattoos, total scumbag, sweet talker, manipulative, seeing at east 5 other women, asshole, guaranteed to treat me like shit, emotionally and/or physically abusive. You know, THAT GUY! THAT GUY has been a topic of conversation for my female friends and I quite a lot as of late.

However yesterday I made the mistake of bringing up THAT GUY to one of my guy friends looking for a little sympathy. Instead of sympathy I received the biggest verbal bitch slap of my life, he told me I'm THAT GIRL! I couldn't even reply, I sputtered and spit and searched for words for at least a minute while he laughed with glee over the fact that he'd put me in my place. When I finally regained my composure I asked for a bit of clarification, I mean who's ever heard of THAT GIRL? Not to mention it sounded a bit derogatory the way it was said. That girl was defined to me as this....

"an overinflated air of self-importance, party girl, complete bitch, easily bored, always dressed to the hilt, too much makeup, thrives on intimidation, gives out fake numbers, uses fake names, leads people on to get their way, feels boys are disposable, must be the center of attention at all costs"

Oh. Huh. I guess THAT GIRL does exist. Even worse, I guess I am her. I did try to protest briefly, but then the words "Thai Food" were thrown in my face and I had to raise my white flag. I would feel bad about this new revelation. However, considering the fact that I am always in the company of THAT GUY, I kind of feel damn good about being THAT GIRL! After all it's what THAT GUY deserves, someone has to put him in his place. Am I not wrong?

Yes, I know. I'm in for a long, dramatic, unstable, love life. At least it'll never be boring though.

Fuck. My. Life.

2009-03-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

My license plates expired in January so I am without a car right now. In order to get it back on the road, I need new registration, new insurance, a new license, to pay an excise tax, an inspection, and to pay off my parking tickets. So I'm not going to have a car until April 13th. That's when I'll finally have enough money to take care of this shit. Which means I walk to work. Not that big of a deal, it's only 4 miles, it's easy cheesy folks. However sometimes, it just blows.

I slipped on a patch of ice this weekend and pulled a muscle. So I am in excruciating pain. It's also 25 degrees today, with wind gusts of 28 mph, winds that I was walking directly into the entire way to the office. It feels like it's 11 degrees out (thank you weather.com) Wait did I just use the verb walk? Let's try that again, I hobbled. HOBBLED folks! Along the way I passed a nursing home and a group of elderly women came out for their morning walk. I just barely caught a blur of color as they sped past me and my hobble/shuffle bitchfest I had going on. What normally takes me half an hour, took 2 hours this morning.

Normally I would have just worked from home, today that was not an option though. My bosses were gone the entirety of last week, away at SXSW. So I was completely on my own in the office. Not a big deal, but I knew coming in today there would be mounds of work that they'd hit me with and it was imperative that I be here.

By the time I made it to the office, I was so ragged I would have lost a sexy walk contest to the hunchback of Notre Dame. When I got to the door and found it locked, I figured everyone was out to lunch. When I checked my email and found that NO ONE was coming in today, I finally let the tears, that I'd been holding back from the pain, liberally flow.

I may just spend the night here, I can't bare the thought of walking home again.

Oh Portland.

2009-03-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

One of the things that really irritates me about this town is the fact that everything closes SO ridiculously early. Bars kick you out at 1:00 AM. Grocery stores are dark at 10:00 PM. McDonald's shuts down by 11:00 PM. You name it, it's not open. I miss the days of 24 hr everything. I'm a night owl, I HATE being tied to other people's schedules. I'm the customer, the jobs of these stores is to make my life convenient, and they're failing miserably. They're about as inconvenient as they can possible get. Why would I find it convenient to grocery shop at 7:00 PM with everyone else, be subjected to screaming children, pervy old men, and the never ending lines. I'm sorry but I LIKE shopping at 3:00 AM when I don't have to deal with anyone other than your typical drunk munchie shopper.

I went to jump in the shower today and realized that I was out of shampoo. While annoying it wasn't the end of the world. I threw on my shoes and jacket and plunged myself into the bitter cold we're currently stuck with. A couple minutes later I was walking up to the enterance of the CVS across the street. I went to open the door and found it locked. It was 6:05 PM. Turns out the store closes at 6:00 PM on Sundays. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! Who has ever heard of a drugstore closing at 6:00 PM on ANY day! I stood there staring at the door dumbfounded for awhile thinking it was really all just an awful joke. It wasn't though. It was just the reality of living in Maine. And let me tell you, reality is harsh.

Needless to say my annoyance level is extremely high right now. So I've barricaded myself in my room with Season 3 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I'm anxiously awaiting the Thai delivery guy. Fuck it. Who needs to shower anyways?

Spring what?

2009-03-20T13:21:00.001-07:00

It's the first day of spring and it's just barely 40 degrees out. I guess I should be happy that we've hit that 40 mark, but I just can't be. I'm really, really, tired of being cold! Lack of fresh air and sunshine really messes with your heads kids! Not to mention being stuck inside for the last 7 months has really taken a toll on my waist size. I'm trying to get motivated, but combine this with the whole broke thing and it's just kinda hard. I'm totally behind on my work, but I just don't care. I feel like I'm behind on my entire life. I haven't even bothered to make my bed in almost a week. Shit half the time I don't even bother to get into my pajamas. I don't even have the energy (or finances) to drink these days. I don't have the energy for fun.

I miss my old life. Yeah I guess technically if you look at the big picture of things you'd say I was doing 110% better! But I am SO bored! And from this boredom I've become boring. I've found the strangest phrases coming out of my mouth as of late...

"I'm sober."
"No you can NOT break into their house to get your beer!"
"No, not tonight, I just want to sleep."
"It's getting late, I need to get going"
"I have to work in the morning"
"Sorry I can't make out with you"
"I have standards"
"My reputation is already bad enough, I should probably try and save face a bit"
"Thanks for offering, but no I've had enough to drink."

Everyone I know has commented upon how much I've changed. When they do so, it's in a tone normally reserved for funerals, and followed by the slightest longing sigh. I don't know what's happened. It's not that I don't miss being me. It's just that it requires SO much energy to be me, and I don't have it...I'm tired. I'm not up to my old standards. I don't feel I'm worthy of my old life back. I'm embarrassed of myself.

Little House on the Frozen Tundra

2009-03-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

My great-grandfather Emilio Giuseppe Solari immigrated to the states from Italy in the 1920's when he was 16. He came over by himself with $250.00, speaking no english, and knowing no one except an Uncle in San Francisco. Somehow he never made it to San Francisco though, he found his way to Boston instead. Eventually he ended up in the 'burbs where he met my great grandmother who's lovely temper and low tolerance for bullshit I have inherited. Despite the Italio Gentlemen's Club as he referred to them constantly knocking on his door offering help he was bound and determined to make it on his own, and he did. He quickly picked up the English language and busted his butt with odd jobs. He eventually earned enough money to pay for his sisters to come over. Finally he made enough money to start his own restaurant that was quite successful. So successful that he put 5 children through private school and college for the ones that chose to do so. My grandmother, his eldest daughter passed away in 2007, and from her I inherited a HUGE pot that my great grandfather used to cook his pasta sauce in at the restaurant. I make a mean sauce from scratch myself, so I'd been planning to use it next time I made a batch since it's easiest to do in bulk. Unfortunately I've been insanely busy the past couple years and never get a chance to cook anything anymore. So the pot has just been sitting on my shelf. Until last weekend that is.

See, the roommate situation, it's not going all that well. Not well at all. In fact it's going SO not well that last weekend we ran out of oil, I mean RAN OUT. We had NO hot water. What I did have was a sink/counter full of dirty dishes, a disgusting house, and potential roommate interviews scheduled. Panic? Why yes I did! Until I saw my pot. I spent all weekend heating up water in said pot in order to do dishes, clean the house, and myself. I also found that it made for an awesome heating source! There's no way my great grandfather could have even imagined that the pot that helped him to survive would also one day help me to survive.

I never got to meet my great grandfather, he passed away a couple years before I was born, but I think we would have gotten along well. He was extremely smart, a hard worker, extremely goal oriented, huge baseball fan, loved wine, he also spent his later years hiding out in his car from his grandchildren while damning them hell for interrupting his quiet day. I wish I had met him, I also wish I could thank him for helping me out last weekend.

HA!

2009-03-16T20:29:00.001-07:00

Just kidding! Have I ever mentioned that I'm bipolar? BTW it's ok to say this now, Princess Leia is too, apparently it's a Princess thing. And who the hell doesn't want to be a princess! Luckily I already am one. Winters are rough up here with that whole seasonal depression thing and all. But you wouldn't have wanted to read anything I would have said. None of the good shit really ends up in here anyways. Not to mention my reason for hiding this blog no longer exists. My professional and personal life have collided over the stories I CAN'T share in a public forum, correction in ANY forum, so who the hell cares what I write in this blog!? If I can get past electrical tape, I can get past anything.

Brief bullet point recap of the last 3.5 months of my life:

*Lost all of my pride: worked with father, big fight, didn't speak to father for 2 months. got stranded in orlando had to call and ask for money.

*Career advancement: started my own business. it's going great except for that fact that it's caused a whole new level of brokeness and an amazing ulcer flare up. Bleed away stomach, BLEED AWAY!

*Roommate situation: Good roommate became bad roommate. So I have 2 bad roommates, judas roommate is leaving in a couple weeks though. This would be great if he wasn't boycotting bills that I can't afford to pay.

*Personal life: same players, ALL new drama. I also purged a bunch of people from my life. Not surprisingly, this also caused drama, but it's nice to be rid of the BS.

*Social networking: I'm done. It causes WAY too many problems. I don't have time for it. Blog however, I'm ok with blog (for now anyways), I have complete control over it.

*I got a farmer's tan this weekend! SO exciting! That means I was able to go out in short sleeves, hello spring!

*I spilled vinegar on myself while making a salad dressing tonight. That means I smell like a chip.

I actually was going to delete my past posts, but let them stand. Who cares.

Professional life is officially overtaking personal life.

2008-11-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

In one week "If Found In Gutter..." will be deleted.

Umm... I just recieved this emaili and WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?!!?

2008-11-27T02:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Jen,

Happy Happy Anniversary to you. I hope you have a wonderful day and that your husband spoils you rotten!!.. Take care Jen and cant wait to see you in 3 weeks and 2 sleeps.

Lots of love,

Kacy xoxoxoxoxo

Edwardian Tiles Pty Ltd
25 Queen Victoria Street
Fremantle Western Australia 6160
Phone: (08) 9431 XXXX
Fax: (08) 9431 XXXX

DUDE KIDS!!!!! I know I'm an alcoholic! But you've all at least smacked me around enough to say that marriage is DUMB! The few of you that are still remaining are smart enough to understand that Marriage=Shit Fuck Piss Vomit

It's one thing to forget who you fuck last night. But to forget a whole subculture that you supposedly holds your start, that's a WHOLE new responsibility that my sober ass can't handle. I mean for reals, WTF?!

But DUDE!!! WHO IS DUMB ENOUGH TO THINK THAT I'D HAVE A HUSBAND?!?!?!?

My Birthday Plans

2008-11-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

Seeing as to how I have no one to celebrate with, and my birthday falls on Thanksfuckinggiving so I can't go celebrate by myself since NOTHING in Maine will be open, these are my plans for the day.

Wake up late.

Toss on party dress.

Do hair and make up.

Primly place tiara on my head.

Consume 2-3 bottles of champagne (directly out of bottle...there is NO fucking way I'm doing dishes on my birthday!) alone in my room while hiding out from roommates.

Smoke a pack or 2 of cigarettes while consuming champagne.

Maybe ash into a turkey decorated cup to add a touch of holiday festivities?

Pass out early.

Obviously there are some kinks to work out, like how I need to hide my phone so I can't drunk dial the entire world thinking that I've FINALLY reached the direct line to God, there by yelling and screaming at him for making my 25th birthday SO damn shitty, etc. etc. BUT otherwise I think it's a damn good plan!

MIA

2008-11-19T16:49:00.000-08:00

I've been ignoring this blog, I know.

I'm exhausted. I have been super busy with work. I'm doing that fantastic thing that I always do, where instead of saying "no, I'm kind of overbooked right now can it wait or can someone else do it?" I'm saying "OMG! YES PLEASE! MAY I DO YOUR LAUNDRY WHILE I'M AT IT!?" I hate the idea of limitations. I refuse to believe that I have limitations. So I run myself ragged until my attitude gets shitty and I just hit a wall. I take on more than I can handle. It's not necessarily more than I can handle, it's just more than I can handle given the amount of time I'm allotted (and getting paid for). See there I go again rationalizing things, lol! It's not even that it's that much I guess it's just in combination with everything going on in my household I am pushed and stressed to the max. (I'm going to stop while I'm ahead now)

So that's part of it, but then there's the fact that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is going on in my life! I mean I could post about how today I did the dishes and almost burnt my hand because the water was too hot. Or the fact that yesterday when feeding the cats I stepped on a stray kibble and the sound of it scared me half to death. I also forgot to brush my teeth yesterday for the first time in my life. In previous lives this would not have been an issue since I was always going somewhere, doing something, or someone, and kept an overnight bag in my car. You see it's like this...I have NOTHING to write in here, NOTHING. I go to the grocery store once every 2 weeks. I mean NOTHING happens! I can't afford to MAKE anything happen either! Trust me, if I had the cash I'd gladly sacrifice it for an 8 ball and a room full of hookers just to have an entertaining story to share with you people! But sadly I don't. I can't even afford a $5 cocktail.

So I keep starting to write tales of times past. Great times. Humorous entertaining times. That only leads to boredom and depression though. It's like OH YEAH! I remember when I USED to have fun! I remember when I had a social life outside of the internet! I remember when.....OH MY GOD I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK WILL I?!?!

So until things start to turn around, I've got nothing for you.

Things are officially out of control.

2008-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that bad roommate had kicked good roommate out of the house. I was hiding in my room while bad roommate was trying to break in. He did break in and he killed me.

I deadbolt my door every night despite the fact that I know my roommate has a key. I just feel safer that way? I always check three times to make sure the bolt is actually locked. I have a thing with checking stuff a multitude of times. This morning when I woke up my door was no longer locked.

So I guess I'm just posting this because if you don't see me on twitter or anything, my roommate has probably killed me. Call the cops.

I am alive.

2008-11-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

Just super busy.

The world is getting too damn small.

2008-11-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

I keep finding that my work and my social life (aka THE INTERWEBZ) are having one too many near run ins with each other. That's definitely not a good thing either. Ok, considering this blog is all about my drunken stupidity, loose ways, well planned strategic attacks on aging rockstars, the well documented story of how I went insane and had to be locked up for a week, and FECES, I'm going to say it's a really BAD thing. With my previous job it wasn't an issue. Half the office read this blog, a couple of them still do. Shit my old boss has been featured on here. The new job though, I'm not sure. I still don't know quite where things stand. I've only been there a couple months now. So this blog and current work have never met up, but it's only a matter of time. Not to mention I may have some other stuff lined up that really can NEVER read this content.

After long hours of contemplation I figure I have 2 options, 1. Grow up, clean up my act a bit, edit the blog, make it PC, maybe give myself a pretend child and become a safe and PC "Mommy Blogger". Or 2. start working under a false identity. Obviously I'm leaning towards option number 2. I have never believed in censorship. Lying is a FAR better option. It saves my butt on a daily basis and is WAY more fun. I can't even tell you how many men through out the state of California think my name is actually Stacey and that I'm a washed up Vegas show girl.

On a side note, I've learned that my floor isn't even. The pink chair has wheels, so I have to hang onto the desk for dear life or I go careening all the way across the room. Hmm, I wonder how many glasses of wine are required before this becomes a damn fun activity?

I'm not going back to the floor!

2008-11-10T22:09:00.000-08:00

My father was in town for about 2 hours yesterday. I showed him my place. It was actually only the 2nd apartment of mine he's ever seen. Keep in mind I moved out almost 8 years ago and have lived in 4 states since I've done so. So it was kind of a big deal and I was pretty proud of my house. He came into my room though saw it from the door and said "Looks good Jen!" then he stepped in and realized that I've been working from home with my computer and everything set out on the floor. We went out to a nice dinner, went to The Green Elephant on Congress St. all vegetarian almost completely vegan, it was FANTASTIC! Seriously one of the best meals I've ever had. Even my father LOVED it and was raving about it, and he's an omni. As he was paying the tab he announced "Let's go get you a desk!". I was both shocked and stoked. So off to Target we went, because it was the only thing open on a Sunday night in Portland, ME. Except LL Bean of course. So I found a desk right off, and then we were looking at chairs. He was trying to get me one those huge fancy top of the line executive chairs. I was opposed, 1. because it's leather, and two things are just starting to smooth over with my parents and I after 25 years of near hell. I don't like them spending that much money on me. In the past it's turned out bad and I'm always afraid the same thing is going to happen again. Plus I'm rather a proud person.

So Daddy was babbling to me about chairs from a distance while I was wandering the aisles just browsing when I saw it. The chair of my dreams! AND ON CLEARANCE! I walked back to my father embracing my chair against my chest absolutely beaming! At this point my father was rambling something about how grown up I am and how much I've done with my life and how he doesn't know where time has gone, you know the usual. As I reached him I quickly cut him off though...

"Daddy I found my chair!"

"That's great! Where is it? What's that you're carrying?"

"MY CHAIR!"

"It fits in that box?"

I quickly flipped it around to show him the picture proud as proud could be at my find.

"LOOK! IT'S PINK!!!"

"I see that?? OH! That's your sense of humor again that I still don't understand!
HAHA! Ok, funny, which one do you want?"

"I want THIS one! It's pink!"

"But it's just a basic computer chair?"

"But it's PINK! HOT PINK!"

"Wait you're serious?"

"Dad, I don't joke about pink."

"You're sure? You really want that one?"

"Father, it's PINK how could I not? Obviously you've missed out on a great part of my life if you don't understand."

"Alright if it's what you want."

I'm pretty sure I heard him mumble "so much for maturity" under his breath as we walked to the checkout line, me still clutching my pink chair for dear life. It was a good visit though. For the first time in my life it made me wish I saw my family more often.

I QUIT 'dis bitch!

2008-11-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

I quit my house. Officially fucking QUIT. I have spent everyday this last week cleaning up FECES! YES FECES! And not all kitty poo. Yes we're talking HUMAN FECES! ALL OVER MY HOUSE! Apparently some people think it's ok to miss the toilet and then step in it and drag it all through the house. Disgruntled cat shits everywhere. Then humans step in it and DO NOT clean it up they drag it all through the house. There is feces in my bathtub. There is feces on my counters, in my sink all over my floor, IN MY FRIDGE! I spend HOURS a day cleaning and disinfecting my house. But I can't win against the shit! I know, why did you move into this house Jen? BECAUSE IT WASN'T COVERED IN SHIT WHEN I DID SO! IF I KNOWN I WAS MOVING INTO THE SHIT HOUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE! Come on, people, think before you ask dumb questions. I'm buying a mini fridge and a microwave and moving into my room. Unfortunately I HAVE to use the bathroom so I still have to clean that. But I just can't live like this. I can't eat in that kitchen. I can't keep my food in it. I can't do these things. I also can't afford to move right now, plus I'm stuck in a lease until September. I'm think close to calling the landlord and trying to get disgusting fuck evicted though. After the shit week, I do feel it's warranted. I don't know if this particular roommate is a little slow or what, but I should have to clean up his shit and go through his food to throw out mold that has been growing for weeks. What I'm facing here is a HEALTH HAZARD. Not to mention all the other messes in the damn house. Pubes, piss, jacking off in the bathroom and no cleaning up. MY LIFE IS HELL.

Gee how much has the DOW dropped?

2008-11-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

I have this new great fantasy that plays out in my mind as I skulk around my house. I am Jane Goodall living with the primates! No, I'm not talking about the cats. Observing their behavior in their natural habitat. Their forms of communication. Methods of survival. The basic instincts of the BEAST!

My latest subject of observations has been a frozen pizza. One of the primates decided use it as a form of nourishment early Tuesday evening. The next morning I noticed only half of it had been consumed and it was still sitting on the counter unprotected from the elements. One of the elements being the VERY likely factor that the cats has walked over/sat on/eaten said pizza over the night. I started to clean the kitchen with the intent of throwing away said pizza. A phone call interrupted me though and about 10 minutes later when I ventured out to the kitchen I noticed a disturbance in the frozen pizza. A small little square of it was missing. Apparently the primate had tested it to see if it still met edible standards. So I left the pizza. An hour later an entire slice was gone.

So I left it there, to see how long he would graze on it. The pizza NEVER left the same spot on the counter. It was NEVER covered in any way shape or form. Finally, tonight, over 48 hours later, the primate finished the pizza and tossed the pan in the sink for me to wash. In the past such behavior would have disgusted me. However having lived amongst these creatures for 2 months now, nothing disgusts me. Rather it leaves me on the outskirts, scratching my head (hopefully I haven't caught fleas or some shit from them), puzzled as puzzled can be. How do they rationalize such behavior? How do they not get sick? I'm not sure what Jane Goodall would have to say about such creatures, but I'm sure Darwin's prognosis of their future would be grim.

Come up with your own damn title! I'm drained.

2008-11-05T23:43:00.000-08:00

I have a bad habit of sharing my disgust towards marriage and children a little too loudly at times. I have a lot of bad habits, but this one tends to offend people from time to time of which I do feel bad. Really though all of this disgust is out of respect, because OH MY GOD I do not know how you people DO IT! I just wouldn't be able to hack it if I tried! My days are so stressed to the max and hectic as it is. I probably get on average 5 hours of sleep a night. 2 hours here, and then 3 hours there. I'm only in the office part time, but I work from home nearly all morning and night. While I'm working I'm running around trying to clean the house. Prep meals for the rest of the day. Laundry. Cleaning the house again because nasty ass roommates have gone through and trashed the place too minutes after I just got done cleaning. That being said, I only clean 3 rooms in the house. The kitchen, bathroom, and mine. I've given up on the other ones because I do not use them at all. The only time I even step foot in the living room is to clean the cat box daily. Did I mention I have cats? I have 3. Well technically I have 2, but I've basically adopted my roommates. Translated the damn thing won't leave me the fuck alone and depends upon me to feed her something other than popsicles, clean her litter box, provide her with a bed to sleep on, shit to destroy, and give her much needed attention. So I'm normally multitasking 50 damn things while the fur balls are running all over raising hell, knocking shit down, tripping me, ruining whatever mess I just cleaned up, meowing at the tops of their lungs because omg they haven't been cuddled with in the last 5 minutes. Speaking of popsicles, have you ever known anyone to eat popsicles in the shower? Beer yes. Popsicles no. My roommate does. So every other day, thank GOD he's disgusting and doesn't shower regularly I'm cleaning some weird ass colored ring out of the bathtub. I can always tell what flavor he's had. Meanwhile I'm trying not to screw up my paperwork and get dressed, do my makeup, make myself presentable to venture out into the world, I do the dishes an average of 4 times a day, twice in the morning twice at night. God forbid I have to leave the house and run errands! Most days it's even more frequently. I'm getting exhausted just writing this. Basically my blogs and twitter and are my only venting space. Oh twitter thank GOD for you, thank god for my following who someone put up with my insane random outbursts. My to do list is never ending, my blackberry never shuts the fuck up, I owe SO many emails, comments, phone calls etc. to people on the personal level, but somehow it never gets to the top of my list. Contrary to the nature of this rant, I am an EXTREMELY organized person. I have to be. I wouldn't stand a chance at survival if I wasn't. My production level would be next to nill. What I need to do though is get my mind it's own blackberry and outlook task list so that it can possibly organize my thoughts a bit and I won't find myself waking up at 2am going over the list of things I have to do in the next 24 hours and prioritizing them. So you see, kids and marriage, COULD NOT HACK IT! I can barely take care of myself. How mother's/wives do it is beyond me. I mean yes I already take care of everyone in the damn house so in a way it's similar workload wise, but if I had to actually CARE about doing so? I don't think so. I would be way too drained to put emotion into all that shit. My parenting would go like this, "I'm sorry, kids, you're hungry? You want me to make dinner? Didn't you eat yesterday? Oh well. Remember how we were in Mexico because Mommy had to go buy those inexpensive happy pills that keep me from killing you since you guys are SO annoying and never let Mommy work? Yeah, well remember how we saw those little kids selling candy so they could eat dinner? How about you drag out your halloween candy, make a profit and then head to McDonald's. Do NOT talk to strangers, or the cops, and do NOT get hit by a bus or you're grounded! Mommy doesn't have time for lawsuits, jail time, or funerals!!!" My husband would just repeatedly get stilettos thrown at his head because I really would NOT have the time or patience to deal with his shit. (Not to mention the fact that the stilettos would be YEARS out of date because the damn family would strip me of all my money and the time to do any shopping) All of my friends are guys. They're just fucking NEEDY. I really do love both children and men, but my favorite thing about them is that they NEVER belong to me and I can just send them home when they start to grate on me. And I like it that way. And I plan on keeping it that way. My next martini is in honor of all of you who are able to do it though.

Not even 24 hours have passed.

2008-11-05T08:59:00.000-08:00

And we're already talking about THIS!!!

I thought the world's problem with America was that we're TOO involved in their affairs. I thought America's problem with America is that we're too involved in the world's affairs. Now we're talking economic world order?!

yoohoo, america put the bowl down for a sec and come back to reality.

2008-11-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

What we just witnessed was a presidential election. Yes it was historic. I understand that. I also believe in voting based upon policies. These are direct quotes from people off of twitter though that are actually meant to be taken in a positive light, at face value by their authors...

"We are witnessing the dawn of a new age. I have never been prouder!"
"the obama thing is a thing of wonder, and I am glad to be here for it"
"Tonight is better than the first time I touched boobs." (ok this one was just hilarious!)
"Obama's second mention of our great challenges was "a planet in peril". We're finally on the path to saving ourselves"
"Crying and finally proud to be an American!"
"Phase Two: watch out for 'Global Warming' towards America now that Obama is President! the whole world is going to 'WARM' towards America!"
"I really didn't want to move to Canada. Thank you Obama."
"Crowd is very well behaved. People are very friendly and happy. Weird energy almost a calm euphoria..."
"omg! You would think this was the second coming of the messiah."

There actually were people that compared him to Jesus. I mean I understand that Bush was pretty shitty and all, but my god it's a presidential election! This is not the second coming, we will have another one in 4 years and we can do this crazy thing all over again complete with the internet bickering/death threats to opposing views/youtube videos etc.

What upsets me about this election is that we are now one party across the board in the executive and legislative branches. So much for checks and balances. What upsets me the MOST is that (while still early yet for Cali) it appears that we have BANNED, as in the state's are writing amendments to their constitutions, gay marriage in THREE states, and a gay couple's right to adopt or take in foster children in one state. (Because god knows those children are WAY better off in a crack den being abused in horrific ways by whatever junkie is currently squatting there, than in a loving home with a same sex couple.) Yet here America is all tears and patting themselves on the back for all of the change and civil rights that they've now single handedly brought to our country.

But hey, at least I'm considered a part of the "poor" bracket so now all you wealthy folks have to pay my bills. I sure do appreciate it! Hopefully my check will be big enough that I can go out and buy some new Manolo's!

And yes Diane, I do kill puppies.

Oh and my FAVORITE quote from Twitter. "Did I mention I had a vodka collins and a corona before heading to the polls? El Torito happy hour FTW!" My friend Matt is the shit!

A week long vacation and I didn't even get a fruity drink with an umbrella?!

2008-11-04T22:21:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before I had a nervous breakdown of sorts and wound up in the looney bin, or on a MUCH needed vacation as I also refer to it, this May. It was a accumulation of a NUMBER of things and I sat in there for a week while they neatly summed up all of my life experiences and reactions to said experiences as a million and a half capitalized letters that stand for fancy head doctor terms and two small words. A large dose of BS on my part and a number of happy pills later and they released to wreck havoc on the world and myself yet once again. While I was in there, from day one, they kept referring to me as Jennifer Christine Goodwin. They were calling me this because that was the name listed on the insurance documents that the original hospital sent over. I from day one kept insisting that my name was actually Jennifer Lea Goodwin and that they were billing the wrong insurance. Of course given my surroundings I was always given the same reply of

"Oh ok, is that so. Hmmm, were you Jennifer Lea yesterday? How is Jennifer Lea different from Jennifer Christine?"

"No assholes! You're charging the wrong persons insurance! I have never been a Jennifer Christine although I wish I was because she has WAY better insurance than I do!"

Nurse to Doctor "I think this personality of hers is an angry one. Maybe anger felt towards her parents?"

"OMG people! I am not schizophrenic! I'm a depressed drunk!"

"Ok Jennifer, Christine or Lea. How about you go join the rest of your group for arts and crafts now, you're a creative type. We're making SCARY MASKS TODAY!!"

A couple days in they determined that diagnosis was indeed NOT correct and I finally convinced them that they were billing the wrong person. When I got out I faxed over all of paperwork. They informed me that my insurance was NOT going to cover it so I braced myself for the worst. The bill finally came and it showed a balance of zero. I called them up and they said I'd been lied to and the insurance did cover it. A couple days ago I received a phone call from them asking for my updated mailing address, they said there was one last bill for me. I assumed it was some small charge that didn't end up being covered. I got the bill in the mail today.

$12,772.90

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Being crazy sure as hell isn't cheap!!! That's more than I paid for my car!!! I don't have that money! So I called them up, had to go through a number of people that refused to speak with me. Let me tell you, when you're trying to make a point to a psychiatric ward as an ex inpatient of said ward, they're VERY hesitant to listen to you. After half an hour of listening to this guy tell me that he couldn't help and I just needed to pay him money I finally played the crazy card to my advantage.

"I'm sorry, but the time period between your stay and the bill due date is just too long for us to do anything. I've told you there is no one else you can speak with."

"Oh no no no honey! Listen you work for a crazy hospital. I'm calling in reference to my STAY in the crazy hospital. You WILL get me in touch with someone who CAN fix this. YOU DO NOT POKE THE CRAZY PERSON!!! ME! CRAZY! LA LA LA LA LA LA CRAZY! NEEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HELPS!!! CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!"

"OK OK OK! CALL (name withheld) AT THIS NUMBER!!!! OK!"

"Oh, thank you so much! I appreciate your help, you're a doll!"

click.

I ended up with a direct private number to the head of billing who was very disturbed by the fact that his number was given out to someone other than his family or immediate coworker but very helpful none the less. When he asked how I got the number, I just told him I was kind of a persistent person. Turns out though, the hospital had billed Jennifer Christine, and of COURSE it didn't clear. So now this poor man has to go back and try to get my insurance to accept these charges (assuming they're even covered in my plan) from MONTHS ago. Best part of it, I had that insurance through my old company in Massachusetts. SO MY POLICY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE! This is NOT going to be easy. This guy was great though, and promised to do whatever he could and apologized profusely for the entire mess. It's totally not covered in his job description but he's handling it himself and I am SO grateful.

Now assuming none of it is covered by my previous plan I have to come up with some creative way to make some serious dough FAST. Obviously my first thought was prostitution, or sex with a spending account as I have been known to refer to it, but I'm afraid that just may add more capital letters to my already too long list. So I'm thinking about proposing a payment plan. I'm going to call it the Sylvia Plath/Susanna Kaysen/Elizabeth Wurtzel/Anne Sexton payment plan. If they'll let the bill slide for a few years, I'll write some memoirs in regards to it and give them a cut of the book sales! Seriously, I don't see why it wouldn't work. People LOVE to read about the crazy! They'd be the crazy ones not to take such a deal.

my 100th post!

2008-11-03T22:39:00.000-08:00

And it's going to be a waste of a post, whee! I'm exhausted. I can barely see straight. But I've hit that sheer exhaustion that has you all wired and cracked out from nerves alone. The exhaustion that has you SO tired that you couldn't sleep if your life dependent upon it. I put in a 12 hour day today. It's just ending! My mind is racing like no other. I know I have to wake up in a couple hours and start it all over again. It's not so bad though. I really do love my job and that makes everything bearable. While working tonight though, I kept seeing names of people pop up and situations would come to mind and I'd just have to giggle out loud to myself. There are SO many stories I wish I could share. Honestly my life isn't as boring as I make it out to be. It's pretty crazy, highly amusing, and omg DRAMA to the max. My girlfriends don't watch soap operas, they just turn to me for all of their entertainment. The problem though, is that 1. I value my friendships and even if I did used code names or whatever it would still be obvious as to whom I was talking about. I would like to think that nobody would read it, however I know that's not true. I've made my fair share of enemies over the years and there is nothing they love more than to stumble across even the slightest opportunity to take me down. In fact they purposely hunt down these opportunities. There are also a number of characters whom I do not value in any way shape or form, but still wind up playing in amusing role in my life. Unfortunately though, in those situations I run into problem number 2. I have mixed play and work, and by babbling about too much I'm risking both. The two really just go hand in hand. In fact at this point in time I'm not sure which came first and I couldn't separate the two if my life depended upon it. It's just impossible, and the nature of it all.

I guess I just wanted to post this since the internet world seems REALLY worried about my social life as of late. So rest assured, I have one! I just can't share it. And if I did you'd probably worry more, although you would be HIGHLY entertained. So I apologize for any fret I've caused you. I also apologize that in order to protect the identities of those whom I love, and to make sure the bills are paid and the cats are fed, you all are stuck with rants about my constantly having to clean my roommate's cat shit off the kitchen counter. Which yes, I do about 5 times a day. In fact I should go do so now! YAY SHIT!